It's a Wonderful Life
by DreamingofSilence
Summary: Every day is the same for Alfred. Dull. Ugly. Not worth living. But when he meets a mysterious boy one day, at the stream underneath the bridge, his eyes are slowly opened to the beauty of life and everything in it, and even the most hideous things are beautiful on the inside. Chrysanthemums are not ugly. High school, Human AU.
1. Chapter 1

**i didn't even finish my first story and i want to make this one oOPS**

**i don't own hetalia or any other mentioned products uvu**

* * *

Everyday was the same for Alfred.

He woke up. Ate the same bowl of cereal, with 1% milk and three teaspoons of sugar because that's just the why he liked it. He'd say goodbye to his parents, never hug them or give a kiss on the cheek, because that would take up too much time. He'd be at the bus stop by 7:20, and be at school by 7:40, twenty minutes early. He'd spend those twenty minutes doing homework he may have forgotten to do the night before, listen to music, or occasionally even read a book. School would go by, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and he'd go to the park.

At the park, he had his thoughts to himself. No one to bother him. No one to anger him. Alfred would go by the stream underneath the bridge and skip stones. Stone skipping was his favourite pastime, after all.

* * *

2:30.

Alfred kicked a pebble as he made his way to the wooden bridge that stood above the stream. He stuffed his hands in his sweater, a crisp breeze blowing through the air. Alfred looked ahead, and stopped in his tracks.

His bridge was occupied.

A short, slender boy stood over the railing, his skin pale and his hair shiny and black. He wore a black turtleneck jackets with the sleeves covering his hands, white pants, and black shoes that Alfred thought was very unfit for the forest area.

"Excuse me!" Alfred called, walking over to the boy. While he was short, after examining his features, Alfred concluded that the bridge's occupant couldn't be older than he was. The boy's brown eyes examined Alfred, and he turned back to the stream. The blond raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"Hello." He said.

"Hi." The other boy replied.

"What're you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Enjoying the scenery."

Alfred blinked once. "Oh."

And he didn't mind this boy. He was quiet, he wasn't causing any trouble. Alfred tapped his foot around, searching for stones. When his foot hit something hard, he brushed the slimy leaves away, knelt down, and grabbed the stones. They were smooth enough, he thought.

"What're you doing?"

"Skipping stones."

With a single flick of his wrist, Alfred threw the stone across the stream. It skidded once, twice, three times before sinking into the water. Then, silence. Silence except for the trickle of the stream and the calls of birds and the rustling of leaves. Alfred sighed and pushed up his glasses.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"What's yours?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "Alfred Jones."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you. I'm Kiku Honda."

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Honda? Like the car?"

Kiku covered his mouth with his hand, almost laughing. "Don't make fun of it!"

"I'm kidding! What're you doing here?"

Kiku weakly shrugged. "My, uh, friend said I could go outside. But I can only stay for a little while longer."

"That's some curfew you have."

"Yes... I suppose you can call it that," Kiku groaned. "My back is killing me. I should look for my friend."

Alfred examined Kiku's pale hand tightly gripping the railing. He could see light blue veins.

"You okay? You're trembling."

"I'm tired... I need to rest a bit..."

"Uh, well, there's a bench over there!"

Kiku slowly nodded, and Alfred grabbed his arm and slung it over his shoulder. They hobbled over to a wooden bench a few yards away from the stream, situated between two trees. Kiku deeply sighed as he sat and leaned his back against the bench, Alfred sitting next to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Kiku waved his hand dismissively.

"I'm fine... just fatigued. I'm not used to being outside... what time is it?"

Alfred fished his cellphone out of his pocket. "2:42. Why?"

"Can I use your phone to call my friend?"

"Yeah, sure."

Kiku took the device and fiddled around with it, taking some time with his trembling hands. He brought the phone up to his ear, and Alfred noticed he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Tim? I'm getting tired... I think I should head back." He waited a moment. "I'm at the bench nearby the stream... okay, bye."

He hung up and handed the phone back to Alfred. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

The bespectacled teen nodded. "Want me to stay until your friend comes to get you?"

"Um, no. It's okay. I just need to rest."

"Alright," Alfred sighed. "Hey, can I ask a question?"

"You can."

"How old are you?"

Kiku's eyes became half lidded and rubbed them tiredly. "Sixteen."

"So we're the same age!"

"Mhmm. I guess we are."

Alfred grabbed his bag and gave a small smile. "I'll be going then. Will you be here tomorrow?"

Kiku nodded and couldn't help but smile back. "I will try."

"Will we see each other?"

"Let's hope so."

The blond chuckled. "See you tomorrow, Kiku."

"Bye-bye!"

Alfred jogged down the path and over the bridge, looking back at his black haired friend, until he became just a speck.

* * *

When Alfred came home at exactly 3:05, the house was quiet.

"I guess no one came home." He said to himself. He made a beeline to his bedroom, where he threw off his bag and ran back downstairs to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, grabbed a can of soda, and walked to the living room. He plopped on the couch, and cringed slightly when his friend's words entered his head.

"_My back is killing me."_

Alfred began to wonder. Perhaps Kiku carried heavy books everyday to school, or he had poor posture- after all, high schoolers often went through that- but he didn't seem hunched over. He had probably slept badly. Or he was sitting in an uncomfortable chair? Alfred thought for a moment before he realized he was over-thinking. He slumped back, not bothering to open his soda. He suddenly didn't want it.

* * *

10:00.

Shouts and curses and words that would be regretted in the morning were the only things that Alfred could hear. He threw his pillow over his head and tried to block out the noise, but it only did so much. What felt like hours later, the shouting ceased. Footsteps came up the stairs.

Alfred threw off his pillow and raced to his door, quickly opening it.

"Papa?" He whispered, his voice like that of a small child.

"Oh... good evening Alfred. Why are you still awake? You're not pulling another all nighter, are you?"

The blond frowned. "Were you and Arthur fighting again?"

The blue eyed man sighed and cupped Alfred's cheeks. "Don't call him by his first name. He is your father. He deserves your respect."

"He doesn't deserve anything. And he's my _step _dad. I don't want him to be with you..."

The blue eyed man named Francis heavily sighed and ran his hand through his wavy hair.

"Go to bed. It is late."

"But papa-!"

"To bed, Alfred!"

As Francis walked to his own room, it was then that Alfred realized that his papa was tired, and his papa wasn't the same from when he was a child, and he began to think that maybe it was his turn to be the fearless knight in shining armor.

* * *

The morning started out terrible. It was raining, and while he certainly didn't mind the rain, it only reflected his gloomy attitude, and even made it worse. Alfred started out the morning with an argument. His brother, Matthew, was being shouted at for accidentally dropping a plate. Alfred knew his brother to be clumsy, and while they did bicker at times, they were still close, and stood up for each other.

Alfred quickly defended Matthew, and of course he said it was an accident; Matthew simply wasn't paying attention, and it was just a plate after all. But Arthur refused to believe so. He began shouting, attacking both Alfred and Matthew, saying things no father should say to their children, step parents or not. Before any tears were shed, Alfred stormed out the house, Francis calling his name and Matthew remaining quiet.

It took him a few moments to realize that he didn't have his umbrella open, but by the time he did, he had stopped caring, as his tears became a part of the rain, so insignificant and forgotten.

* * *

Alfred trudged through the park, leaves and dirt sticking to his red Converses, and dread sticking to him. Not even his Superman hoodie could bring up his mood. As he walked to the bridge, he caught a glimpse of white and black, which stood out almost blindingly amongst the muddy browns and dull reds of the forest. He knew it could only be one thing.

"Kiku! You came!" He called out, increasing his pace to a run. As he reached closer to Kiku, he slowed down and raised an eyebrow.

"And... you're a panda?" Alfred asked. The lightest shade of pink covered Kiku's cheeks and he looked at his sweater.

"My friend got it for me as a present and... I like it..." He meekly explained. Alfred waved his hand.

"It's fine. I'm the one wearing Superman, anyway."

Kiku stifled a laugh but quickly frowned. "You look tired."

The blond shrugged. "Had a rough day."

"I know a thing or two about rough days."

Alfred examined Kiku and tilted his head to the side. "How come I've never seen you at the school?"

"Uh, do you mean W. Academy?"

"Yep."

"I used to go there..." Kiku sighed and looked at the stream in front of him. It was eerily calm.

"So what happened?"

"I was taken out."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons."

Alfred pursed his lips. "I guess I understand."

Kiku slowly nodded. "Can I ask why you look so down in the dumps?"

"It was my step-dad being a dick. We got into an argument this morning and it's been bringing me down since."

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean what he said."

"Trust me. He meant it."

"Well, even if he did, he probably takes back what he said!" Kiku smiled. Alfred groaned and rolled his eyes.

"I wish," He leaned against the still damp railings and fiddled with his bag strap. "Sometimes I wish my dad never met him. All he does is drink and yell. I can't remember the last time he's actually said 'hey, I love you son'."

"Wait... you have _two_ fathers?" Kiku asked.

"Oh, I-" Alfred opened and closed his mouth, trying to find his words. He sighed in defeat and shrugged. "Yeah. My mom died when I was twelve and I've still been sorta depressed about it. My dad's bi so he, uh... yeah."

Kiku's brown eyes turned to the ground. "I see. It's okay, I don't judge."

"Thanks."

Silence.

"Do you have any siblings?" Alfred asked.

"No. I live in a whole family of adopted kids."

"Damn, you're adopted?" Alfred chewed his lip. "That must be tough. Do you at least know your biological parents?"

"I do... or did. My father wanted nothing to do with me and my mother died during birth..." Kiku deeply sighed. "And neither of them were close to their families, which is very odd because of our culture. I don't know."

There was a melancholy silence before Kiku began to say he was experiencing back pains. They moved to the bench, not caring that it was still littered with water droplets, because both of them were too caught up in their pasts and emotions to mind their pants getting wet.

Alfred wanted to choke himself. There were people who didn't even have families, yet they weren't complaining like he was. He felt so heavy, guilt coursing through his every vein.

"Um," The blond managed to say after a few grueling minutes of silence. "Where's your family from?"

"Japan," Kiku answered. "My name is short but it has meaning."

"What's it mean?"

"It means chrysanthemum on top a single hill."

"Chrysanthemum," Alfred repeated, and chuckled. "That's beautiful."

And when Kiku smiled the smallest, yet sincerest and sweetest of smiles, Alfred felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach twist into a knot. It felt good, surprisingly.

"What about you?" The brown eyed teen asked. "Where is your family from?"

"Well, my father is French and my mother was from Oregon. My step-dad is English."

"Hm... that's interesting. I like that you're French-American."

Alfred nodded and felt a tug at the ends of his lips. "Yeah."

"Do you speak any French?"

"Only a little bit. My brother knows much more because he actually payed attention when our father tried teaching us."

"Oh! Say something!"

The blond thought for a moment. "_Veux-tu être mon ami?"_

"What's that mean?" Kiku asked.

"Will you be my friend?"

"Aren't we already?"

Alfred laughed. "Yeah, we are!"

There was a feeling building inside of Alfred. He felt lighter, like he had no worries, no pain whatsoever. Everything around him suddenly looked brighter. He quickly realized this feeling was a little thing called happiness.

And being happy felt good.

* * *

**oh yay! first chapter done! sorry for the shortness, I hope the next one will be longer. please leave a review, fave, or follow, they're greatly appreciated! thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**whoa! thank you all for the support! i really appreciate it! here's another chapter, please enjoy!**

**i don't own hetalia or any of the mentioned products.**

* * *

In the days that followed, Alfred and Kiku saw each other at the same spot, at the same time, with Kiku always being the one there first. They even began to meet on the weekends, because if they met on weekdays, they might as well see each other the rest of the week. They would always spend a few minutes standing before Kiku would have to sit down, and Alfred never questioned this because he didn't mind. They always talked about something, never nothing, because they found silence to be awkward and uncomfortable, and they always had something on their mind to talk about. Days turned into weeks, and before they knew it, four weeks passed and they were quite close, to say the least.

Alfred had learned that Kiku was actually a shy and quiet boy, and was never really talkative unless he was around someone he felt he could trust, and knowing this made Alfred happy enough to last him the week. He also learned that Kiku blushed every time he was complimented, whether it be how he looked cute or that Alfred liked his clothes. Much to his surprise, Kiku was still learning English, as he sometimes pronounced l's like r's, or used the wrong words. And when he got excited, he'd speak quickly in Japanese, leaving Alfred confused but laughing, and Kiku blushing wildly after being called cute by him.

Alfred also learned that Kiku liked wearing bright colours, but never neon, because neon was just too bright and too overwhelming for the eyes. He liked sweet foods and hated orange juice, and loved playing video games. He always wanted a hamster or bunny as a pet, and he especially liked animal themed sweaters and hoodies with oversized sleeves.

Kiku Honda could not be any cuter in Alfred's eyes.

Alfred usually talked about school life; it was really the only thing he could talk about without getting depressing. He told about his groups of friends. The jocks, such as Ludwig, who wasn't really a jock, but rather a well built student who took soccer a bit too seriously for everyone's sake. He was usually a rather calm and level-headed person, Alfred described, but had a horrid temper that caused him to lash out violently, which is the reason why he got left back in fifth grade. There were rumors that his temper was due to a mental disorder, but no one dare ask to confirm.

Now, that would be much too risky.

Alfred also talked about the bookworms, that is, not nerds but people who just read too many books, such as Lukas who seemed to have a new book everyday. He talked about Elizaveta, a senior and head of the photography club, and he talked about Roderich who, in the morning, would play Mozart or Beethoven or Bach on the auditorium's piano. He talked about Ivan and Berwald, who sewed and knitted and made beautiful costumes, and very few people knew that the two gentle giants were the ones behind the flawless stitches and exotic designs. Alfred spoke about taking Latin, and about his advanced placement classes of college math and English. He acted like an idiot, but he knew he was ahead of others. He just never showed it, and rather preferred to be known as the class clown, a loveable idiot.

Kiku smiled innocently, and it was then that Alfred realized that Kiku really was a child at heart. An adorable one, at that.

* * *

Alfred was disappointed that Kiku didn't have a phone. He thought about the silly conversations they'd have late at night, where everyone would be asleep except for them. They instead would be laughing the night away, until their stomachs hurt and the moon got so annoyed that it let the sun take its place.

But instead, Alfred spent his nights listening not to his own laughter, but to his parents screams, and he'd stare at the ceiling and wonder if Kiku missed him like he missed Kiku.

It was one Saturday evening that Alfred was finally asked about his friend. Francis was in the kitchen, making a cup of chamomile tea, when Alfred walked inside the house.

* * *

"You're home later than usual." The Frenchman said.

"I was, uh, out." Alfred hastily replied, heading to his room. But Francis stopped him.

"Tell me where you go when you're 'out'. I'm curious."

Alfred froze. His blood ran cold. Whenever Francis was curious, he wouldn't quit until he found what he was looking for. There was no point in arguing.

Within a few minutes, they sat in the living room, with Alfred nervously playing with his sweater zipper and Francis calmly sipping his tea.

"So tell me."

"Well, uh-" The teen started. How could he begin this? "I met someone..."

This caused Francis to raise an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I mean a friend! I met a friend!"

"I see. Go on."

"I met him and everyday we see each other at the park. He's really nice, he's sweet and kind and he understands."

"Understands?" Francis asked. "Understands what?"

"He understands _me_. I'm not sure, but there's something about him that I can really relate to."

Francis chuckled and smiled warmly. "You must really like this boy."

Alfred blushed and stuck out his bottom lip in an attempt to pout. "If you mean in a romantic way, no. He's just really cool!"

"Hm, I see. You can go then. Do your homework and get some sleep."

Alfred stood up and nodded, then frowned. "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's working late," Francis answered. "Why?"

"No reason." The teen shook his head and went upstairs. No reason at all.

* * *

The next day, when Alfred went to the park, he was surprised to see Kiku talking to someone else. This made Alfred's heart jump and his stomach growl uncomfortably. Getting closer, he saw the man was older, and the feeling died down, but just a bit.

"Alfred!" Kiku called over, waving to him. Alfred grunted and slowly walked to him. He looked at the man, who towered over him. The man was dirty blond, his hair spiked at the front, with fair skin and intimidating green eyes. He wore a light brown jacket, dark brown pants, and a blue and white striped scarf. A cigarette hung from his mouth.

"Is this your friend?" The man asked, his voice gruff yet smooth and young. Kiku smiled and nodded.

"Tim, this is Alfred, my friend. Alfred, this is Tim Van Aalst. He's Dutch."

Alfred held out a shaky hand, which Tim looked at for a moment before shaking it. The blond teen flinched. Tim's grip was firm, almost crushing. They released hands and Alfred wiped his on his pant leg.

"So what's he doing here?" He asked, immediatedly regretting that question, seeing the death glare Tim was giving.

"He's here to make sure I'm okay. I've been feeling weak lately and..." Kiku trailed off. He looked at Tim, who smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. Alfred looked away, jealousy creeping up on him again at Tim's sudden gentleness.

"Wanna go somewhere else, kid?" The Dutchman asked. Alfred noticed his accent was quite thick, and he began to wonder how long Tim has been living in America.

"Go where?" Kiku asked.

"Um-" Alfred piped in. "There's a cafe my friends and I go to sometimes. We can go there..."

"How far is it?" Tim asked. "Kiku can't walk very far. He'd need his cane, or maybe his wheelchair."

"Tim!" Kiku whined, pounding on the blond man's chest. "Don't say that out loud! It's embarrassing!"

Alfred resisted the urge to question what Tim was talking about; it seemed personal, after all. So he said something else instead.

"Kiku should get a phone."

Of course, this is something he's mentioned to his Japanese friend time and time again. Every time, Kiku would simply laugh and wave it off.

"Why?" The Dutchman asked, raising an eyebrow. He held his cigarette between his fingers and threw it into the stream.

"Well, um-" Alfred stammered nervously.

"We can talk more!" Kiku said. Alone, he always said it was because he woulnd't be allowed, but he seemed more hopeful in the prescence of Tim.

"No." The blond man quickly replied.

"Why?"

"Whose plan would we put you on?"

"Yours, of course!"

Tim frowned. "The doctors wouldn't allow it."

"Doc-" Alfred started, but was quickly cut off by Kiku's whining.

"You... you _idiot!_" The black haired teen angrily said. "You- ugh! Just please go! Go away, okay? You're ruining everything!"

Alfred had never seen Kiku angry, and perhaps neither had Tim, judged by the shocked expression on his face. His eyes wide, they became half lidded, and he let out a heavy sigh and he pulled a cigarette box from one jacket pocket and a lighter from the other.

"You shouldn't get angry like that," Tim began, taking out a tobacco stick and lighting it. "Stress can worsen you."

He exhaled, a stream of grey smoke escaping his lips. "But if you want me to leave, fine. I'll leave. Call me if something happens."

Tim glared at Alfred. "Make sure Kiku doesn't go too far. He's fragile."

And with that, the Dutchman walked away, the smell of tobacco following him close behind like his own shadow.

* * *

Kiku laid weakly on Alfred's chest, the latter having his arm wrapped around his shorter friend's shoulder.

"I'm so tired," Kiku whispered, so faintly Alfred could barely hear him. "And thirsty. Do you have water?"

"I don't, I'm sorry," Alfred replied. "But my house isn't far. Wanna go there...?"

"I'd have to tell Tim..."

"You can tell him when you get to my place. Just call him there once you're feeling better, okay?"

It took Kiku a few moments to reply, and he slowly nodded. "Okay... can you carry me? I can't walk far..."

Alfred didn't refuse. He lifted Kiku, who was surprisingly light, onto his back, and walked over the bridge, down the path, and to the sun. Neither of them spoke. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, but instead tranquil. Alfred was on edge the whole walk home, Kiku's small arms wrapped around his neck, his soft hair brushing against his neck. He fell asleep, so peaceful and content, and Alfred was worried the slightest sound would wake him up. He sighed quietly.

"I gotta pee."

The blond stopped walking and raised an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"I gotta pee. Keep moving."

Alfred nodded and continued walking. "Can you hold it? We're almost home."

"Hurry up..." Kiku groaned weakly. "I gotta go."

Alfred reached into his pocket with one arm, taking out a pair of keys. Going up a walkway, he opened the door and went inside.

"Dad, Papa, Matt, I'm home!" He called. "I gotta friend!"

Not bothering to wait for an answer, Alfred closed the door with his foot and hurried upstairs to the bathroom, and gently set Kiku down.

"You don't need me to come with you in there, do you?" The blond asked. Kiku chuckled and gently punched his shoulder. "I'll be okay."

After he closed the door, Alfred went downstairs, where his father, Arthur, was waiting for him.

"What?" The teen asked, pushing past Arthur and going to the kitchen.

"Where were you?"

"Out."

"Alfred."

"Look," Alfred said, turning to Arthur. "I have a friend over and he means a lot to me. Don't be an asshole."

The older man's green eyes went wide and he opened and closed his mouth like some sort of fish.

"Francis!" He shouted. "Francis, get in here!"

Francis was in the kitchen in a few moments, rubbing his temples. "Hm?" He asked, looking between his husband and his son.

"Did you hear the way he was speaking to me?" Arthur asked, pointing a finger at Alfred. "Cursing! Disrespecting me in _my _house!"

"Oh, _mon amour, _he did not mean it. He is a teenager, he-"

"Are you taking his side?" Arthur asked in disbelief. "Are you really taking his side?"

Francis sighed with a closed mouth. "No. There are no sides. I am simply saying-"

"I don't believe you! You ungrateful freeloader!" Arthur hissed.

_"P__our l'amour de dieu__!" _Francis threw his arms up and stormed out of the kitchen, Alfred following after him.

"Hey, papa-!"

"Alfred, please," Francis said, shaking his head. "Just... go to your room. Please."

"But I have a friend over!"

"Okay. Go to your room. I'll be up soon."

Alfred huffed and went up the stairs, surprised to see Kiku sitting patiently next to the bathroom door, Matthew sitting next to him.

"Is everything alright?" Kiku asked, worry in his voice. The blue eyed teen deeply sighed and shook his head.

"No. Nothing is ever alright in this house."

"Don't say that." Matthew said with a frown.

"Well, it's true!"

Matthew stood up, and Kiku whimpered slightly.

"I, um-" The Japanese boy said. "I... I can't get up."

"Why?" Matthew asked. He held out his hand and Kiku took it, grunting as he slowly got to his feet.

"I have weak bones."

"Oh, I see. Well, I have studying to do. Good night Alfred, Kiku."

And Matthew retreated to his room. Alfred scoffed and rolled his eyes, while Kiku just smiled.

"He's nice!"

* * *

Kiku sat cross legged on Alfred's bed, humming to himself as he looked around the room.

"You have a nice house," The shorter teen said. "I like it."

"Thanks." Alfred replied, scribbling notes for homework.

"What're you doing?"

"Science homework. It's bullshit but, whatever."

"Oh. Um... may I use your phone?"

Alfred motioned to the nightstand, which had a house phone on it. Kiku picked it up and dialed the number. He waited a moment before taking a deep breath.

"Tim? It's me... I'm using Alfred's house phone. Um, can you pick me up? And... tell Katyusha what happened. And I'm okay. I just feel a little weak." He waited a moment. "Okay, really weak and thirsty. I..." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry..."

Alfred noticed Kiku's lip quiver. A few more words were exchanged before he hung up, wiping stray tears.

"I'll get you some water." The blond said, setting his papers aside and stumbling out the room. He returned a minute later with a cup and a bottle of water, handing Kiku the cup and placing the bottle on the nightstand. He grabbed his papers and sat next to his friend.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I'm okay."

"Um... can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What doctors were you talking about earlier? Who's Katyusha?"

Kiku's breath hitched. "I, uh," He stuttered, eyeing the room nervously, as if a bird would come by the window sill and whisper a word into his ear, or the tree would extend its branch and he could pluck a sentence from it like a leaf.

"I get sick often..." Kiku said. His voice was obviously uncertain, which made Alfred raise a brow. "So Katyusha is one of my doctors. She's nice. She has a little brother and sister."

"Brother? What's his name?"

"Ivan."

"Oh! I didn't know Ivan has sisters!"

Kiku shrugged. "I didn't know the name of Katyusha's brother. But I do now, I guess. You were talking about him earlier."

"Yeah, I was."

There was silence. Kiku drank his water, and Alfred did his homework. The blond noticed Francis hadn't come up; perhaps he was too tired, too busy with Arthur. He didn't care.

"Alfred?" Kiku finally said after ten minutes of silence. "Thank you for being my friend. I don't have any so it's really good to know you're willing to stay by my side."

Alfred smiled and chuckled. "The same to you! I mean, you're unlike any other. There's something about you that makes you special. So... thank you."

Kiku smiled widely and blushed.

"Um, you know how you always call me cute, right?" He asked. "Well, um, why do you do it? Not that I mind it... I like it..."

Alfred chuckled. "'Cause you are! I wouldn't lie about that!"

He poked Kiku's cheek, pinched it, ran his fingers over it, marvelling at how soft his skin felt. His hand moved to Kiku's hair, his black strands running smoothly through Alfred's fingers. He found himself cupping Kiku's cheek, neither of them saying anything.

"Everything about you is so soft." The blond whispered. He closed his eyes, and as if something were pulling him, he leaned closer towards Kiku. The latter didn't say anything, but closed his eyes as well, and when they were so close, close enough to feel each other's breath and taste each other's lips and the tips of their tongues touched, their eyes snapped open and they pulled away.

"Oh God." Alfred muttered, placing his hand over his mouth in pure shock and horror.

"A... Alfred?" Kiku quietly asked, brushing his fingers over his lips. "Did we...?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," The blond said. "I-I didn't mean to, I was just... I got caught in the heat of the moment and... I-I didn't mean to kiss you. I'm so sorry..."

"Please don't apologize! It's okay!"

"You... you sure?"

"Yeah!" Kiku smiled. "It's not a big deal."

The doorbell rang. Kiku sighed and bit his lip.

"That's Tim. I have to go. Um... I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course! We've been seeing each other for over five weeks now so...!"

Kiku smiled and wrapped his arms around Alfred's waist. "You're the best. Can you help me downstairs, please?"

"Sure."

Alfred slowly and awkwardly helped his friend down the stairs, to the door, where Tim was tapping his foot impatiently, twirling an unlit cigarette between his fingers. They said their goodbyes, and for the first time, Alfred didn't fall asleep to the sound of shouts. Instead, he fell asleep to the feeling of his heart beating like it was going to burst, the soft touch of Kiku's lips, that wondrous feeling he felt for one short second.

Happiness had the ability to turn one second into eternity.

* * *

**translations- **

**mon amour- My love (French)**

**Pour l'amour de dieu!- For the love of God! (French)**

* * *

**Don't worry guys it gets better I promise-**

**Okay! Chapter two done! Please review, fave, or follow! Thanks for reading, and see you next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I should be working on my other story but I'm not cause I'm too cool for school yo**

**I don't own hetalia or any mentioned products uvu**

* * *

Alfred was certainly surprised when he saw Kiku waiting for him at the bench near the bridge. It wasn't that he waited long, it's that his bones had begun to hurt after a little bit. They sat on the bench and agreed to forget that moment, that accidental kiss, never happened. It was a mistake after all, and mistakes happened to everyone. Even the best of friends.

* * *

Alfred noticed Kiku had begun to change. These changers were minor, he knew, but he couldn't help but worry. Kiku's skin was paler, and the blue veins on his hands were showing more. He got fatigued much more quickly and easily, and walking became a challenge, as his bones began to hurt him.

It was a Friday, at 2:35, that Alfred first saw his friend's cane. It was shiny and mahogany, and the kind that elderly people used. It was to help him walk, Kiku explained. Alfred tried not to question it.

It was the following day, Saturday, that Kiku began taking pills. He shivered as he downed half a bottle of water in less than ten seconds. And Alfred was counting.

"It's to help with my pains," He explained wryly. "Katyusha prescribed them to me. They're more powerful than my other medication. My other one stopped working after a while, I guess."

"Why do you have bone pains? Do you have arthritis or something?"

Kiku tried to laugh. "I wish I did."

"So... what do you have?"

"I'd rather not tell you. Not now. Maybe... maybe another time."

Alfred pursed his lips. "Ya know what? We tell each other's life stories. I tell you mine, you tell me yours."

Kiku's eyes widened and he turned to the blond. "But Alfred-!"

"I have chronic depression. I've had it since my mom died," He began. "It became even worse when my dad remarried. It's so difficult to live every day, and sometimes, I'm so compelled to just step in front of a car and hope it's enough to kill me. And, yeah, I know it's selfish. I know it's just me wanting attention. But I can't really help it! I'm just... I'm so sick of life."

"But... thinking like that isn't selfish! You just need help when you aren't getting any..."

"I dunno," Alfred shrugged. "All my friends say suicide is selfish."

"It isn't selfish!" Kiku frowned. "Your friends just don't understand what it's like to have depression! They don't understand the daily struggles! Don't think that way!" He bit his lip and shook his words. "I... I make it seem like you should do it... please don't do it! I... oh..."

Kiku looked down and placed his hands on his lap.

"Hey, you okay?" Alfred asked, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"I'm sorry. Confusion is a side effect of the pills. They work really fast, I guess. I don't know what I'm saying. Please ignore me. But... but listen to me when I say that you're worth it! You have decades ahead of you, and I'd feel horrible if you threw that away! I..." Kiku tightly gripped Alfred's arm and buried his head into his chest. "You're my only friend, and if you left, I'd be all alone again. I wouldn't have anyone to skip stones with or talk to. My family doesn't visit, and Katyusha and Tim aren't around often, and everyday I look forward to seeing you because I get to see your smiling face and be in your prescence. If you killed yourself, if you left, if I came here one day to see that you're not approaching, I'd just be so sad and so alone and I would never be able to forgive myself... and... and your fathers and your brother love you a lot too! Even if they don't show it... they do! So please Alfred... I know this is a selfish request, but please stay. I need you in my life..."

Alfred didn't say anything. He just stared at Kiku, his blue eyes filling with tears, which he wiped with his sleeve.

"I... I had no idea I meant that way to you, Kiku."

"Well, you do! You mean a lot to me!"

"Then I'll try," Alfred smiled. "I'll try for you."

Kiku sniffed. "_Arigatou gozaimasu... _thank you so much..."

Alfred's smile turned into a slight frown. "Okay, I've told you my story. Now what's yours?"

The Japanese teen hesitated and he shook his head. "I-I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because it... it would be too painful. I will tell you eventually. Now is just not a good time."

And there was silence. There was silence for what must've been ten minutes until Kiku placed his hand over his heart and coughed.

"What's wrong?" Alfred asked.

"M-My chest hurts..."

"D-Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

Kiku waved his hand and stood up, using his cane to support him. "The hospital isn't far. I'll walk there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I... I'll see you tomorrow?"

Alfred nodded. "Of course."

* * *

The next day Alfred came to the park, Kiku wasn't there. He wasn't leaning over the railing or sitting on the bench. Alfred scanned the length of the stream, which was probably a mile, but didn't see his friend.

"_Maybe he's sick," _Alfred thought. "_He'll be here tomorrow."_

Unfortunately, Kiku wasn't there the following day, either. Alfred, like before, searched the area around their meeting spot, walked up and down the length of the stream, even waited for a while. Kiku never came.

The rest of the week was spent like this, Alfred wondering where his friend was. Each time he came to the park, he hoped, prayed he'd catch a glimpse of jet black hair and bright clothing. When his prayers were never answered, his heart broke and sunk.

* * *

It was Saturday, and Alfred sat alone at the bench, twirling a stone between his fingers. Each time he heard rustling leaves, he looked up, hoping to see Kiku. It would only be a squirrel or the wind. It was then he had an idea.

Alfred stuffed the stone in his pant pocket and raced home, sweating by the time he opened his door and stumbled to the living room.

"Papa! Please drive me to the hospital!" He said, but quickly frowned when he saw Arthur sitting on the couch, reading a book. Arthur turned to him and scoffed.

"Francis is out."

Alfred took a deep breath and slowly closed his eyes. "Dad? Can you please drive me to the hospital?"

"Why do you need to go? Are you hurt? Did you break a bone?"

"No, but-"

"Then there's no reason I should."

Alfred felt his anger slowly rising. "My friend is in the hospital, I think. I want to visit him."

"You think?" Arthur laughed. "There's no confirmation. I don't need to take you there. Maybe you should've taken those driving lessons Francis offered the day after your birthday. Then you could've driven yourself there, but no. You were too stubborn, weren't you? Well, now you're paying for it. It really is a shame, Alfred, that you're too selfish to appreciate the things your family does for you."

It took every ounce of strength for Alfred to not yell at his father, because he knew the outcome, with Arthur smirking proudly and Alfred crying himself to sleep.

"Fine!" The teen angrily said, almost shouting"I'll take the bus!"

He grabbed his house keys and walked out the door, slamming it behind him so Arthur would get the message of his frustration.

* * *

When Alfred reached the courtyard of the hospital, a shiver ran up his spine. He hated hospitals; he hated everything about them, their design, their status, even their staff. He slowly trudged to the doors, which automatically opened. A blast of cold air hit him. Alfred walked through another pair of automatic sliding doors before he came into the lobby, which was bright and welcoming. He went up to the receptionist and looked around nervously.

"Good afternoon." The receptionist said, a wide smile on her face.

"Hello," Alfred replied, nodding slightly. "Um, I'm here to see a friend?"

The woman nodded and opened a book. "How old are you?"

"Uh..." The blond gulped. "S-Sixteen...?"

"Oh dear, I'm afraid you can't see your friend. You need to be at least eighteen. You'd need an adult to accompany you."

Alfred clutched his fist. "Can't you make an exception? He really means a lot to me and-!"

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could, but it's the rules. I could get fired," The woman looked around and leaned forward. "But I will let you make a phone call. You can arrange for an adult to come, and I'll send you both up. Is that okay?"

Alfred deeply sighed and nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. Thanks."

He went over to the waiting area and sat in a chair, and fished out his phone. "Maybe I can call papa..." He said as he dialed his father's number. Putting the phone up to his ear, it rang a few times.

"Hello?"

"Papa! Hey, look, I need to ask a favour from you."

"Hm? What is it? Do you need me to pick up something?"

"No, no. I'm at the hospital, the pediatric one. I want to visit my friend- the one I told you about- but I can't unless I'm with an adult. So... can you come here?"

There was a few moments of silence before Francis sighed. "Okay. I'll be there soon. Sit tight."

He hung up before Alfred could. There was a sudden wave of guilt that crashed into him, and Alfred looked down, his head beginning to spin. Francis sounded like he has been giving up hope lately. The teen understood how he felt. Arthur got under everyone's skins, after all. He didn't understand why they just didn't separate.

* * *

1:30

Francis came looking tired, his hair tied into a ponytail with strands sticking out, and dark circles underlining his eyes. Alfred kept his distance as Francis filled out visitor information for both of them. They were given passes, and made their way down a hallway that was bright, and it reminded Alfred of Kiku.

"You okay?" The blond teen asked as he pushed a button for the elevator to come. "You look exhausted."

"I just need sleep." Francis whispered, rubbing his eyes.

"Did something happen?"

"Tired."

The elevator came, and the two stepped on. Alfred pushed the button to the floor they were going to, and watched as the elevator doors closed.

"How much sleep have you been getting lately?"

Francis blinked once. "Six hours at most."

"That's it? You need more."

Alfred wanted to slap himself. It was painfully obvious how stressed Francis was. Perhaps he was making it worse. The two stayed quiet until the elevator doors opened and they stepped onto the floor. Alfred looked up and down the hall, and decided to go right, with Francis slowly following.

504

Alfred looked at the number on the door and confirmed it was the one the receptionist told him. Raising his arm to knock, the white door opened itself, and a young woman revealed herself.

She was tall, though Alfred was sure it was due to her heels, with pale skin, kind blue eyes, and platinum blonde hair tied into a crown bun. She smiled warmly.

"Good afternoon." She said with a single nod. Alfred moved out the way so she could pass by, and she walked down the hall and disappeared behind a wall. Alfred sighed and slowly walked in the room. It smelled good, like lavender, and he stopped in his tracks when he saw his friend on a hospital bed, talking to another person on the bed across.

"Kiku?" Alfred quietly asked. The Japanese teen turned and widened his eyes slightly.

"A-Alfred!"

Alfred quickly walked over to the bed and sat in the chair beside it. "W-What happened to you? Why are you here?"

Kiku looked at the person in the other bed. He had light blond hair and, surprisingly, violet eyes. He smiled and nodded.

"I-I," Kiku hesitated. "I was having kidney problems..."

"Oh..." Alfred said with a slight frown. "Who's that?"

The violet eyed boy waved. "Hello! My name's Tino! I'm sort of like Kiku's roommate. It's nice to meet you!"

"He used to go to W. Academy, too," Kiku said. "We're good friends now."

A pang of jealously struck Alfred's heart like lightning, and he tried to hide his frown.

"That's good," He forced himself to say. "You have another friend!"

Kiku took Alfred's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry for not coming this week. The doctors wouldn't let me out of the hospital. Please forgive me..."

"What? No, don't apologize! I... I'm just glad you still want to be my friend."

"Of course I do!" Kiku widely smiled.

"Uh, who was that lady with the huge rack?" Alfred asked casually. The Japanese teen deeply blushed.

"T-That was my, uh," He hesitated. "My doctor. Katyusha."

"_She's _Ivan's sister? Huh... they do look alike, though."

"Uh..."

The two looked over at Tino, who fiddled with the bedsheets. "She's also my oncologist."

"Oncologist?" Alfred asked, raising an eyebrow. "Like, for cancer and stuff...?"

"Yes," Tino slowly nodded. "I have metastatic osteosarcoma. It's spread to my lungs and the doctors say it's heading to my brain. They're going to try chemotherapy next week but... they say not to get my hopes up too high."

Alfred's stomach twisted into a knot. "I-If you know there's a chance you're going to die, then why are you smiling? Wouldn't you cry about that?"

"Oh, I already have!" Tino said with a smile. "For a long time, too. But then I realized crying isn't going to make the cancer magically disappear. If I smile and look ahead, then maybe things will go in my favour! And I think that's something not enough people realize. If life sucks, you can't just whine and complain and cry about it. You have to do something to change it so it can be good!"

And Alfred realized he was right. There really _was _no point in crying. It wasn't going to make anything better.

"You're totally right." The blond teen said with a smile.

"See? A smile is all you need to brighten your day!"

Alfred turned back to Kiku. "So when will you be discharged?"

"Monday, I think."

"Okay... tomorrow's Sunday. It's just one day."

Kiku smiled. "Thank you for understanding."

"Hey, look, if you're having health problems, you should focus on getting better."

"Thank you again, Alfred. Um, how did you get here?"

"I took the bus, but my dad came so I could see you."

"Oh... which one?"

Alfred chuckled. "The good one."

Alfred stayed for just a little while longer, because Francis was getting impatient and their visiting time was running out. He left saying goodbye to both Kiku and Tino, and, for some reason he couldn't explain, a broken heart.

* * *

A day without Kiku, Alfred learned, was one of his worst days. Because there was no one he could talk to, or vent to, or call cute, and he found himself longing for Kiku's voice, for his accent, and for his kindness and timidity.

He walked aimlessly around his house, played video games and even did his homework. But time passed by slowly, so slowly that Alfred felt like he had aged a couple years. He was still himself, however, sixteen years old and blond and blue eyed.

* * *

7:00

Francis and Arthur were fighting once again. And then Alfred heard his name.

"Why can't he just be like Matthew?" Arthur's angry voice yelled. "Quiet a-and polite and... and smart! He does horrible in school!"

"He does not!" Francis retorted. "Alfred is like his mother. And, plus, he's in _two _advanced placement classes! Matthew is only in one!"

"He does terrible in them."

"At least he tries!"

Alfred crept out of his room and slowly went down the stairs, to the kitchen, where his parents were. He peeked over the wall, his heart racing and his throat dry.

"I can't stand him, Francis. But of course he's the way he is. You raised him, after all."

Francis deeply sighed and Alfred's stomach churned.

"Arthur, I... I don't know."

The teen appeared, tightly clutching the wall.

"Dad? Papa? W-What're you talking about?"

The two men turned to him and Francis forced a smile.

"Go to bed, Alfred. It's late."

"It's only 7:05," Alfred said. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Go to your room."

"Why are you fighting again?"

Arthur frowned. "Quit disobeying him, Alfred."

"I'm not disobeying anyone. I just wanna know why you're talking about me."

The room went silent. Francis groaned and shook his head. "We're just worried." He said.

"Worried?" Alfred scoffed. "About what? About the fact I'm gonna end up like a failure, and Matthew's gonna be the successful one? Huh? Is that what you're so 'worried' about?"

"Alfred, no," Francis dismissed. "That's-"

"No, he's right," Arthur said, crossing his arms. "But I knew you'd end up like a failure. Your father raised you, and with a mother like you had, your future is quite obvious."

"Don't talk about my parents like that!" Alfred growled, tightly clenching his fists, his fingernails digging into his palm. "If anyone's a failure, it's you! You're a horrible father and husband! And a sorry excuse for a human being! I hate you!"

Before either of them had a chance to react, Alfred stormed out of the kitchen, upstairs to his room. He slammed the door and plopped onto his bed. As much as he wanted to cry, he held in his tears, because he was tired of falling asleep to stifled sobs.

* * *

Alfred nervously pulled down the sleeves of his green and black striped sweater as he made his way to the bridge. Monday finally came- and it was a terrible day. He frowned at the thought of it, but knowing he was going to see Kiku made his spirits lift a bit. As he approached the bench, his eyes focused on the white and black colours that stood out from the dull forest.

"Alfred!" Kiku happily said, waving over to him. Alfred slightly smiled and ran over to the bench.

"Hey."

"I'm glad you made it!"

Alfred tried to pull down his sleeves even more, but was beginning to worry it would rip. "Of course I'd come. I always do."

Kiku smiled. "Do you like my scarf? Tim got it for me as a sort of present."

Alfred looked at the black and white checkered scarf that was wrapped tightly around Kiku's neck, like it was going to suffocate him. It matched nicely with his white oversized turtle neck sweater, though.

"It's cute." The blond said. Pink covered Kiku's cheeks and he smiled.

"Thank you!"

Alfred didn't smile back like he usually did. Instead, he looked at his sneakers, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Is something wrong?" Kiku asked, tilting his head slightly. "Are you okay? You look so sad. What happened?"

"I had a shitty day." Alfred replied bluntly.

"You can tell me."

"Well... last night, my parents and I got into a fight. Then this morning we got into another argument and... well, it got pretty bad. Physical... my dad hit me. So I stormed out and went to school. Oh, but then the teachers decide to be assholes. I was so mad yesterday I didn't do my math homework and I got detention for it. And I got shouted at by my English teacher for not paying attention in class _and _a call home. Then after school ends, my friends and I were supposed to hang out, but they all bail on me, so I'm left alone! On top of that, I don't even know if I should return home! My dad might be home and who knows what'll happen! Just... ugh! I'm so damn stressed! It's like everything is falling apart, and nobody even cares that I'm depressed, and it's only getting worse. Yeah, you were totally right about me being loved. Remember that? Full of shit."

Kiku's expression became sullen. "I... I'm sorry, Alfred. I-I didn't... I..." He looked at his lap. "I'm sorry. I wish I could help, but I'm so bad at comforting people and... I feel so bad. I'm sorry..."

Alfred sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Don't apologize, Kiku. It's not your fault. I-I'm sorry for shouting."

"I still feel bad for it..."

"It's fine."

Kiku sighed. "You know... if you need somewhere to stay for tonight, you can come to my house..."

"Seriously?"

"Mhmm! My family isn't very welcoming but I think they'd let you stay for one night."

Alfred found himself tightly hugging Kiku, hot tears running down his face.

"Damn it..." The blond struggled to say. "W-Why are you so nice to me?"

Kiku didn't know what to do other than hug him back, which is what he did.

"Because you're my friend, and I'd do anything for you."

The two sat together in their embrace, Alfred crying and Kiku comforting, for what must've been forever. When the sun began to set, the Japanese teen released Alfred and smiled.

"We should get going. Maybe you should call your-"

"No. I'm not speaking to those assholes. I hate them."

"But they're worried sick about you!"

"They would've called me by then. Let's just... go. Please."

With a frown and a sigh, Kiku stood up, using his cane to support him, and watched as his American friend stood with him. As they walked out of the park, Kiku couldn't help but ask a question.

"Why do you keep pulling at your sleeves?"

Alfred pursed his lips and shook his head. "There are some scars you shouldn't see. Don't worry about it."

For some reason, Kiku couldn't help but do so.

* * *

**Yay! Chapter three done! Thank you all for the support, and please leave a review, fave, or follow! Thank you again!**


	4. Chapter 4

**i love this story so much and I'm so glad you guys do too! **

**I don't own hetalia or any mentioned products!**

* * *

Kiku lived in a quiet white and grey bungalow, small and cute, just like him. As soon as they walked inside, Kiku was greeted excitedly by a boy and girl who looked younger than him- Alfred assume they were his adoptive siblings.

"I have a friend over," Kiku said kindly as he walked past them. "Introduce yourselves."

He disappeared into the kitchen, and Alfred took off his shoes.

"Hi!" The boy happily said. "My name's Im Yong Soo! And this is my sister Mei!"

He smiled brightly, as if he were trying to outdo the sun, and turned to Mei. She giggled, her cheeks turning a shy shade of pink.

"What's your name?" She asked, twirling her brown hair around her finger. Alfred raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I'm Alfred. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Alfie~"

Alfie. He had to make a mental note of that. The blond imagined Kiku calling him that, the thought making him shiver.

"Come with us!" Yong Soo said, grabbing Alfred's hand and dragging him to the kitchen. There, Kiku stood behind the stove, humming as he mixed something in a silver pot. He looked over his shoulder and slightly smiled.

"I'm making _karē_ _udon _tonight. Can you use chopsticks, Alfred? It's okay if you can't, we have forks."

Alfred slowly nodded. "Yeah, I can use chopsticks. But, uh, what is it that you're making?"

"Curry noodles!" Yong Soo happily called, jumping around excitedly.

"Where's Leon?" Kiku asked.

"He's in his room." Mei answered.

"Please get him. Food will be ready soon. And tell him to be nice."

"I'll do it!" Yong Soo called. Before Kiku had a chance to reply, he was out of the kitchen, bouncing on his heels to another part of the house.

"I'll go with him." Mei giggled as she made her way out of the kitchen as well. Kiku deeply sighed and turned off the burner.

"Uh, how old is the kid?" Alfred asked.

"Yong Soo? He's fifteen. He has ADHD though, so he acts like he's ten."

"And Mei?"

"She's fourteen."

Alfred slowly nodded. "Are you the oldest here?"

"No," Kiku shook his head. "Yao is. He's like our father, I guess. He's twenty six."

"And he adopted four of you? Who's Leon?"

"Me."

The blond turned around and saw a brown haired teen stand in the doorway of the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest, an unamused frown on his face.

"Leon, this is Alfred. He's staying with us for the night." Kiku said. Leon didn't say anything, he simply nodded. He sat at a table within the kitchen and folded his hands, twiddling with his thumbs.

"What's up with him?" Alfred whispered.

"He has Asperger's. When he plays with his hands, he's nervous." Kiku quietly explained.

"Seriously? I didn't know that..."

"It's okay. Just try not to startle him, okay? No sudden, rash movements."

Alfred slowly nodded. "Want me to help you serve dinner?"

"If you could do that, that'd be great! Thank you!"

Alfred watched as Kiku struggled to get the bowls in the cabinet above him, so the blond got them instead, and set the table. Yong Soo and Mei came into the kitchen soon after, their mouths watering, excited to eat the curry noodles. Kiku served the food, although Alfred was worried sick about his trembling.

The two took their seats next to each other at the table.

"_Itadakimasu!" _Kiku gratefully said before breaking his chopsticks and slurping the noodles.

_"Jalmukesumneda!_" Yong Soo chirped, slurping his noodles in a similar matter, while Mei and Leon stayed quiet.

"It's part of their culture," Mei giggled. "Don't mind them."

"You mean the slurping?" Alfred asked.

"_Gomen," _Kiku said, swallowing his food. "In Japan and Korea, it is considered polite to slurp your noodles. It means you're enjoying the food!"

"I don't mind it much," Alfred shrugged. "I eat like a pig myself."

"Oh? But you haven't touched your food."

Mei, Leon, and Yong Soo frowned.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I'm not very hungry. I guess I lost my appetite." The blond stuttered.

"That's okay," Kiku said. "You can save it for tomorrow. Or if anyone wants seconds...?"

When no one spoke, the Japanese teen sighed and stood up. "Are you finished? I'll wash the dishes. Go to your rooms and do your homework, okay?"

Yong Soo was the first one to leave.

* * *

"Forgive me, but you'll have to sleep on the couch." Kiku apologized, bowing slightly at his waist.

"It's fine, really!" Alfred reassured. "But, uh, about dinner..."

"Please don't mind them. It's very rude in our cultures to waste food. They were just offended. It's okay, though."

The blond frowned. "Now I feel bad."

"Please don't!" Kiku looked around. "It's past ten. I-I should be going to bed. Um... how are you going to get to school from here? And... clothes? I guess I could wash them, or maybe you can wear Yao's clothes..."

"I dunno. I'll see what happens. But won't this Yao guy be pissed if he sees a stranger asleep on the couch?"

"I-I'm not sure," Kiku bit his lip and waited a few moments before speaking again. "Um, Alfred, if I come home then Tim usually picks me up to bring me to the hospital and... well, I might not be here. If I'm not here I-I don't think you can stay..."

"Why do you have to go to the hospital?"

"It's, um, because-" Kiku hesitated. "It's just, my body is weak and..."

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Why do you keep hiding from me? Aren't we friends? Why can't you be truthful with me?"

The Japanese teen looked down. "I don't-"

"You keep saying you don't want to hurt me, but honestly, I've been hurt all my life. Just tell me! I'm tired of being hidden in the dark like this!"

Kiku's lip quivered and he slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry," He said. "I-I can't tell you. Not yet. I'm not comfortable. I'm sorry..."

Alfred pursed his lips. "Don't apologize, Kiku. Don't apologize," He took a deep breath. "I'm gonna go to sleep now. Good night."

The Japanese teen looked at the floor. "Very well. _Oyasuminasai._"

* * *

When Alfred's eyes fluttered open and he remembered where he was, the first thing he did was check the rooms. He tiptoed through the hallway and slowly, very quietly opened the doors. The first one was empty; Alfred left it alone. The second one had Yong Soo and Mei sleeping on separate beds. The third one had Leon laying on his stomach. The last, Alfred found out, belonged to Kiku.

The blond couldn't help himself as he walked over to this friend. Kiku lied on his side, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth slightly opened, drool falling onto his pillow. He tightly clutched a stuffed bunny plush close to his chest. Underneath the blankets, his legs shifted around. Alfred, with shaky hands, very gently stroked Kiku's hair. His fingers brushed over his skin, goosebumps covering Kiku's cheek. The Japanese teen groaned softly, and Alfred quickly snatched his hand away. With a sigh, he walked out of the room and made his way back to the couch.

Plopping onto it, Alfred checked his phone and frowned. It was nearly dead. When he checked his messages, his heart almost stopped.

"13 missed calls, 9 text messages... what the hell?" He asked himself. He checked his missed calls and saw they were either from Francis, Arthur, or Matthew. Alfred scoffed and went to his texts.

_Where are you? It's late._

_Are you with your friends?_

_Are you okay?_

_Alfred, it's almost midnight and I'm worried... please come home..._

_Arthur and I talked and he told me about your argument. He's very sorry and we all want you to come back. Please, we're so scared and it's half past two..._

The blond scoffed at Francis' tone. "Yeah right. He's just saying that."

_alfred, dad and papa are really scared and flippin out and i am too. where the hell are you? even if you go away for a few hours its never this long._

Alfred almost laughed at Matthew's message. While he was right, he thought it was ridiculous.

_Alfred, I'm sorry about the argument. I was just angry, I didn't mean what I said. I understand if you hate me but please return home. We're all terribly worried about you. You're not answering your phone. The next step is to call the police..._

_Please, Alfred. It's past ten. We're all starting to get a bit scared..._

_Dear God Alfred, we're so damn worried! Francis is sobbing his heart out and Matthew is trying to calm him down and... I don't know about myself. I'm sorry. I know I can be overwhelming and I say terrible things but in the end I always regret them. Please Alfred, what is it that you want to come home? I've never felt so useless and guilty in my life... I might shed a few tears myself. Alfred, please, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, come home. Please..."_

"Bottom of your heart? You don't have one." Alfred growled.

"Who doesn't have what?"

The blond looked from his phone and saw Kiku leaning against the wall, rubbing his tired eyes. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head, wincing slightly.

"My step-dad," Alfred said. "Everyone's making a big deal because I didn't come home."

"They really care about you." Kiku muttered.

"Yeah right! I call bullshit on that. They're just trying to make me feel bad so I come home, and as soon as I do everything will be the same. Fighting, arguing, me wanting to kill myself. They're not fooling me."

Kiku frowned. "You shouldn't..." He stopped mid sentence and sighed. "Hey, you know, it's a quarter to nine. Shouldn't you be at school?"

Alfred scoffed. "I'll skip. I need to take a break, anyway."

"A-Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Nobody's gonna miss me. Hey, we should spend the day together! It'll be fun!"

"I-I don't think I can..." Kiku averted his gaze.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!"

"I'm supposed to be picked up later on today, though!"

Alfred pouted. "C'mon Kiku, live a little! You don't want to spend all your life cooped up in a hospital, do you?"

The Japanese teen's breath hitched. He shifted his feet around before giving in with a sigh of defeat.

"Okay, fine. But just for a little while."

* * *

Alfred inhaled the delicious smell of warm bread and sweets as he and Kiku passed by a cafe. He couldn't help but stop in front of the display window, closing his eyes, an idiotic smile on his face.

"Ya hungry?" The blond asked. Kiku flinched for a moment, clutching the handle of his cane.

"A-A little bit..." He quietly replied.

"Let's grab a bite here!"

"Shouldn't we get real food?"

"It's just a snack."

Alfred opened the door, and Kiku sighed, knowing he had no choice. He slowly walked inside the cafe, leaning lamely on his cane, and made his way to an empty table, where he sat at.

"I'll just have green tea and a slice of cheesecake." He muttered to Alfred. The blond quickly ordered the food and went back to Kiku, sitting across from him.

"You okay? You look so down."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Kiku stayed quiet for a few moments. "I-I don't know."

"Why? What happened?" Alfred asked.

"I just feel a little dizzy."

"You need something in your stomach! You haven't eaten all day and it's..." Alfred looked at his phone. "11:30!"

Kiku nodded. "I'm surprised no one asked you if you're supposed to be in school."

The blond shrugged. "Yeah, well, people have always told me I look older than I really am."

"Oh."

"So, uh, what school do you go to if you're not going to W. Academy?"

"M-My school? Oh, I'm, um... I'm... homeschooled..."

"Really?"

Kiku nodded. "Tim is like my tutor."

"Oh. Have you ever gone back to the academy?"

"I have, yes. But not recently. I haven't gone in a few months, actually."

"Oh." Alfred chuckled. He sighed and looked out the window, watching as the leaves danced in the wind without him.

* * *

As the day went on, Kiku's mood lifted, and Alfred's did as well. They walked around, went to the park, the mall, and finally, the playground. By the time the sun was setting, they only had a few dollars left in their pockets, and wonderful memories in their heads. Kiku sat on a swing, gripping the chains as he looked at his shoes.

"I had a lot of fun today." He said, breaking the silence. Alfred, on the swing next to him, smiled and nodded.

"I did too! I should skip school more often," He laughed. "Nah, I'm kidding."

"I think Tim is gonna kill me when he sees me tomorrow," Kiku giggled. "But it was worth it!"

Alfred knew the heat he felt in his cheeks wasn't from the sun. He smiled widely.

"I should return home. My family must be flipping their shit."

"So you changed your mind?" Kiku asked playfully, and gently punched Alfred's arm. "I'm joking. That's good! I'll go home, too."

"Too bad we live in opposite directions. I would've walked you home!" Alfred pouted.

"Don't worry about it. I'm a big boy, I can walk myself home."

The two shared a few moments of laughter before looking into each other's eyes, and that feeling Alfred felt nearly three months ago rose up in him again. Before it could take over him, though, Alfred quickly stood up and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I'm gonna head home." He said.

"Oh, um, okay," Kiku replied, standing with him. "We'll see each other tomorrow?"

"Of course!" Alfred smiled and outstretched his arms. "Now c'mere and give me a hug. You're too cute."

Kiku deeply blushed and pouted slightly as he wrapped his arms around Alfred's waist, leaning his head on his chest.

"You're so warm," The shorter teen whispered. "It feels so good in the wind."

Alfred smiled wider. "Thanks. Now let's get outta here. It's getting cold and I don't want you sick."

"Don't act like you're immune to everything! You should be heading home too."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Kiku smiled before he began walking away, and Alfred watched him until he became a tiny speck, and the blond felt a kind of loneliness he never experienced before.

* * *

Alfred swallowed nervously as he stood in front of his house door. The lights were on, which meant his family were awake, much to his demise. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the door and opened it, slowly walking inside.

"P-Papa? Dad...?"

His voice echoed throughout the house. There was a clanging coming from the kitchen before Francis appeared, his eyes going wide.

"Oh, _mon dieu..." _He whispered. "A-Alfred... is that you...?"

"Yeah, it's me, papa," He sighed. Francis practically tackled his son, tightly hugging him. burying his head into the crook of his neck.

"I was so worried!" He cried. "I tried so hard not to call the police! I knew you'd come back, I knew it! Are you okay? Were you hurt? Where did you go? What happened?"

"I'm fine," Alfred replied. "I was at Kiku's place. I slept over for the night."

"I got a call from the school saying you were absent..."

"Don't worry about it."

Francis pursed his lips. "Very well. Are you hungry? I just finished making dinner and-"

"Where's Dad and Matthew?"

"They're... well, Matthew is in his room and Arthur is in the living room. Maybe you should see them. They were just as worried as I was."

Alfred nodded and went upstairs to his room, where he dropped his bookbag, took off his clothes, and changed into a fresh pair of flannel pajamas. He tiptoed out of his room, and across the hall to his brother's room. He knocked on the door and bit his lip as he heard shuffling from inside the room.

"Papa, I'm not hun-"

Matthew stopped mid-sentence as he examined Alfred, his eyes scanning his brother's figure like he was looking at some sort of ghost.

"You're... how long ago did you come here...?" Matthew asked, his tone like his breath had been taken away from him.

"Like, a few minutes ago. Look, I know I've been gone for a while but-"

"We were all so worried!"

"Alright, I get it!" Alfred said, raising his voice. "I get it. But..." He deeply sighed. "Forget it."

He walked downstairs, his heart beating faster with each step. He walked into the living room and deeply sighed.

"Dad?"

Arthur's back was turned to the couch. He slowly turned around, his hair a mess and his eyes looking tired.

"A... Alfred?"

Alfred winced at how exhausted Arthur looked. He was only gone for a night- why did everyone look so terrible?

"Yeah, it's me, Dad. I'm back."

"You're back..." Arthur repeated, as if he were trying to confirm that he wasn't going crazy, that his son was in front of him, alive and well.

"Look, I, uh, I'm sorry for not coming home. And I'm sorry for not returning your calls or texts-" Alfred paused, amazed that he was apologizing to a man he was supposed to hate. "But I was just pissed. I was pissed because you were talking about mom and papa and-"

"Stop talking, Alfred."

The teen raised an eyebrow, but he followed Arthur's orders. The Englishman stood up and walked over towards Alfred, looking straight into his blue eyes.

"We're getting a divorce."

* * *

**translations-**

**Itadakimasu, Jalmukesumneda!- Thank you for the food! (Japanese) (Korean)**

**Gomen- I'm sorry (informal, Japanese)**

**Oyasuminasai- Good night (Japanese)**

**Mon dieu- My God (French)**

* * *

**yay! done with this chapter! cliff hanger sort of! uwu**

**I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, and please drop a review, fave or follow! Thanks again!**


	5. Chapter 5

**hey guys, here's another chapter! thanks for waiting a bit. I hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own hetalia or any mentioned products!**

* * *

Alfred furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Excuse me...?" He asked, his voice dripping with pure skeptism and disbelief. Arthur sighed and took his arm.

"We'll talk about it at the dinner table. Matthew! Come down!"

The two went to the dining room, where Francis was setting up the table. When he saw the look on his son and husband's face, he frowned.

"Did you...?" The Frenchman began, and Arthur nodded.

Once everyone was seated at the table, and the food was served, there was complete silence. Alfred looked at his family and huffed.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"Watch your language," Arthur hissed, and he sighed. "While you were gone, Alfred, Francis and I decided to divorce."

Matthew's heart stopped. "What?! Why?!"

"Now, firstly," Francis said, his voice calm. "Please do not think it is either of your faults. It isn't. Our decision wasn't influenced by you in any way, and the only time we mentioned your names was when we talked about custody. We've noticed how our marriage is declining, and honestly, we both know divorce is inevitable at this point."

"You can't seperate," Alfred argued. "You've only been together for four years! Almost five!"

"And it has been a wonderful five years," Arthur said putting his hand over Francis'. "But we just- we can't. We can't stay together. No longer."

"I don't understand!" Matthew whimpered.

"I know you don't," Francis said. "But once again, if you feel guilty, there's no reason to."

"But papa!" Alfred began. "If dad leaves, who's gonna support the family?!"

"We can support ourselves. We're not completely reliant on Arthur."

"This isn't fair." Matthew crossed his arms over his chest. Francis groaned and rubbed his temples.

"Look, you two, whether you like it or not, the decision is final. You will no longer whine, complain, or make a fuss about it. I know it's difficult to go through, but it's life. Life is unfair. Now just-just go to your rooms, please. Your father and I need to talk a bit more."

Alfred snorted. "Talk about what? How horrible sons we are?" He asked before getting up to storm to his room.

* * *

Alfred's arms stung. He hissed in pain as he rested them on the armrest of the bench. Instead, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and let them rest like that. He waited ten minutes before Kiku came, limping on his cane like he usually did. Upon further examination, Alfred noticed his eyes were red and puffy, like he was crying.

"What happened?" Alfred asked. Kiku sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"I got into a fight with Tim and Yao."

"Really? You wanna talk about it...?"

"They were pissed because I didn't go to the hospital yesterday for a daily checkup. I tried explaining to them that it's just one day, it's not like it's the end of the world if I miss one checkup. But they just kept yelling a-and shouting and not listening to me and... ugh!"

Alfred looked down. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. All my fault."

"What? No it isn't." Kiku retorted.

"Yes it is! I'm the one who took you out yesterday. It's all my fault."

"Well, it was still the best day of my life. So thank you for it."

"Uh, you're welcome."

Alfred deeply sighed and leaned back against the bench.

"Are you okay?" Kiku worriedly asked. "You look so sad."

"My parents are getting a divorce." The blond muttered.

"O-Oh... I'm sorry," Kiku said. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry...!"

"Don't be. It's my fault. I guess they're tired of me running off and getting angry and stuff. I guess my dad is just sick of my shit."

"No, that can't be it! There must be a good reason!"

"They tell me that, but I just can't believe it. As if my depression couldn't get any worse."

"Let me see your arm."

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Kiku frowned. "I said let me see your arm."

"No!"

The Japanese teen grabbed Alfred's arm and rolled up the sleeve.

"Is this what you do to yourself?" Kiku muttered after a moment of silence, tracing his fingers over the small, faded scars.

"It's only occasionally! Piss off!" Alfred shouted, pulling his arm away. Kiku flinched and bit his lip.

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

Alfred deeply sighed and shook his head. "Don't apologize. I'm sorry. I've been fucking up so much lately. I-I'm just stressed, with the whole divorce thing and I don't know how to handle it and..."

Kiku took Alfred's hand. "It's okay," He whispered. "But just try not to think too much about it, okay?"

"Yeah, alright. I'm sorry for getting angry like that, I-"

"No. Be quiet."

Alfred raised an eyebrow, but did stay quiet.

"What time is it?" Kiku asked.

"2:40. Why?"

"I have to go..."

"Go where?"

Kiku sighed. "To the hospital."

Alfred frowned. "Why do you go to the hospital so often? What's wrong with you that you have to go there all the time?"

The Japanese teen hesitated. "I-"

"And you better not give me any excuses. I want the truth, Kiku. No more bullshit. If you don't tell me now, I will walk away and not come back tomorrow."

"I-Isn't that a little extreme?!" Kiku asked with wide, worried eyes.

"I want the truth."

Kiku took a deep, shaky breath, and slowly nodded. "Very well. I'll tell you. I guess I have no other choice."

Alfred slowly nodded. "Tell me."

"Okay," He took a deep breath. "You remember Tino, right? How he said Katyusha is his oncologist? Well... she's my oncologist, as well. I-I have multiple myeloma. It's a blood cancer... like leukemia?"

Alfred's eyes went wide. "Shit... really...?"

"Yes. It's stage two, but the doctors think I should live a little longer than they expect. They're going to try a stem cell transplant to control it. There's no cure, it can only be controlled, so I'm gonna die no matter what they do. They just want to give me a few more months, or if I'm lucky, years to live."

Alfred's lip quivered. "So-"

"So because of my myeloma, I get sick easily and I have bone and kidney problems. I have anemia, as well. Everyday I have to go to the hospital so Katyusha can check if my health is declining or not. Right now, it's not looking so good. Everyone is hoping that with the stem cell transplant, things will get better."

Alfred felt like his heart has been torn apart. He choked on his words, and couldn't swallow them. Tears threatened to spill over his eyes.

"God, I had no idea..." He finally managed to say, wiping his stray tears. Kiku shook his head.

"It's okay, Alfred! Once I recover from the transplant, it'll all be fine!" He smiled and stood up. "I have to go for my checkup. I'll be here tomorrow."

Before Kiku could walk away, Alfred quickly grabbed his hand and ran his thumb over the pale blue veins.

"I don't want you to go," The blond muttered. "I want you to stay here. I want you to stay here forever..."

Kiku's expression became solemn. "I'm sorry." He quietly said. He took Alfred's hand in his and gently kissed it. The blond almost lost it. He stood up and wrapped his arms around Kiku, sobbing pathetic tears onto his shoulder.

"Life is so unfair," He said between sobs. "Why do you have to go through this?! Why can't you just be happy with a nice family?! Why do you have to be alone? Why do you have to fight this battle alone? You don't deserve it! It's not fucking fair!"

"Alfred..." The Japanese teen whispered as he stroked Alfred's back. "I know. I know life isn't fair. And I know it's difficult and painful. I understand. But these things happen for a reason. And while we may not like it, we have to deal with it. We have to push through and make the best out of it. Please don't cry, Alfred. You're too beautiful to be sad," He pulled away and smiled, and used his thumb to wipe Alfred's tears. "I have to go. But stop crying and just smile a little, okay? It will get better. I'll be here tomorrow, so lighten up, okay?"

Alfred sniffed and nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

Kiku smiled and gave his friend a short hug before pulling away. "See you tomorrow."

As he walked away, Alfred couldn't help but cry again, but this time he took Kiku's advice, and let a smile form on his lips.

* * *

When Alfred got home, he noticed the house was eerily quiet. Francis wasn't in the kitchen, and Matthew was on the couch watching TV. Arthur was nowhere to be found.

"Where's dad and papa?" Alfred asked his brother.

"Francis is upstairs in his room. I don't know about Arthur." Matthew replied monotonously. Alfred raised an eyebrow. Matthew never referred to their parents with their first names.

"Okay... maybe dad's getting groceries or something." Alfred said to himself as he made his way upstairs to his room. He threw his bag to the floor and went to Francis' room. The door was closed.

"Papa? I'm coming in." He said as he opened the door. He was surprised to see Francis laying on the bed, wrapped in sheets. He walked over to the bed and placed his hand on Francis' cheek.

"Papa? Are you okay? Where's dad?"

"I dunno."

Alfred noticed Francis' voice was weak and hoarse, and sounded like he had given up all hope.

"What's wrong? Hey, you're supposed to make dinner. You said you'd make beef bourguignon and macarons tonight, something special. C'mon papa, get up! I'm hungry!"

"Make your own food, Alfred."

The blond flinched and tried to laugh. "But papa, you know I can't cook."

"Toast. Cereal. Instant noodles. Stop relying on me for everything. I'm not your maid." Francis growled.

"I-I never said you were my maid! I just... you love cooking. You always make dinner, every night. And I love your food, papa..."

Francis sat up, his eyes red and puffy and his hair a mess. "Well you know what, Alfred?! Maybe I'm just not feeling in a good mood today! Maybe I don't want to cook you goddamn food tonight! So get off your lazy, fat ass, and get off my fucking back! I have too much on my mind right now!"

Alfred's eyes watered. He gulped and looked at the floor. "I-I'm sorry, I... I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."

He walked out of the bedroom and went to his own. Alfred plopped on his bed and, for what must have been the millionth time that day, cried until his eyes were dry and his chest ached with every breath.

* * *

Alfred frowned as he stood in front of the display window of the flower store. He wasn't good with plants- he didn't know which one Kiku would like. He took a deep breath and walked inside, taking in the fragrance of lavender and roses.

"Welcome!" A voice chirped. Alfred rolled his eyes at the sight of his sort-of-friend, Ivan, sitting on a stool behind the counter.

"Hey," Alfred replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Which flowers would you recommend for a friend, a sorta get better thing?"

Ivan's violet eyes turned to the ceiling in thought. "Hm..." He began. "Well, if you want friendship, I suppose the iris and daisy are good choices. Or appreciation, peach roses are good for that. Getting better... the peony or hydrangea can work. Why ask?"

"My friend has cancer, so I wanna get him something special." Alfred said, almost tearing up at the explanation. Ivan sadly smiled and came from behind the counter.

"I know what he'll like." He said, walking to the front of the store. Alfred chuckled.

"Damn, I forgot how tall you are."

Ivan ignored his comment and picked up a bouquet of large flowers in all sorts of colours, from pink to white to blue. The petals overlapped each other, and all had a yellow center.

"The chrysanthemum." Ivan said. Alfred scowled.

"Chrysanthemums? Those are ugly!"

Ivan shook his head. "No, no. These wonderful flowers symbolize that you think he's a wonderful friend. It symbolizes love, honesty, and beauty in its ugliest form. I think mums are gorgeous, and your friend will, too. Take them. On the house."

Alfred took the bouquet and looked at Ivan with wide, teary eyes. "I-Ivan...?"

"My sister is an oncologist, and she's told me stories of her cancer patients. I know a thing or two of how tough it is."

"Your sister is Katyusha, right?"

Ivan smiled and nodded. "Yes."

"Um," Alfred said, looking away. "What dessert would you give a friend?"

"Oh? You want to give him flowers _and _something to eat? I think cheesecake. It represents purity, innocence, and elegance in my eyes. Or pie. Pie symbolizes happiness and good luck."

"Alright. Thanks for your help," Alfred smiled as he walked out the door. "See ya at school."

* * *

Alfred gulped nervously as he shakily made his way to the bench, where he could see Kiku's white turtleneck. For some reason, his heart was racing and his body was trembling. When he approached his friend, his cheeks became warm at the confused look on Kiku's face.

"_He looks so cute today!" _He thought.

"What's that?" Kiku asked, pointing to the bed Alfred as holding.

"I-It's a present," Alfred stuttered as he sat next to Kiku. "I got it for you. That's why I'm a little late today."

The black haired teen smiled sheepishly. "You didn't have to!"

"I wanted to. I stopped by the flower shop. Katyusha's brother works part time there. And I went to the cafe, too, 'cause I know you liked the cheesecake."

Alfred held out the bouquet, in which Kiku gasped and took.

"Chrysanthemums!" He cried, his eyes wide and full of wonder. "I love chrysanthemums!"

"Really? I think they're sorta ugly." Alfred said, muttering the last part. Kiku tightly clutched the bouquet and smiled the in the most heartfelt, sincere way, which made Alfred's heart jump.

"Thank you," He said. "Thank you so, so much. Really. I appreciate it so much! I think Tino will love these, too. Thank you, Alfred. You've made me so happy!"

The blond blushed and nodded. "It was no problem. Ivan said you'd like them. Um, here!"

He took a box out of the plastic bag and opened it. Inside was a small, plain cheesecake.

"I didn't know if you like strawberries or anything, so I just got plain."

"That's okay! I don't mind plain! It's my favourite!"

The two almost immediately dug into the cheesecake, with Alfred letting Kiku eat most of the desert, and the blond only ate a few bites. When they were finished, Kiku sighed happily and sat back.

"That was delicious. It's too bad we didn't have any tea."

"Y-Yeah..."

Kiku raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yesterday my papa got pissed and shouted at me. And my dad was nowhere to be found. And I just... I'm sorta down about your cancer thing..."

Kiku frowned. "Please don't feel bad about that. The stem cell treatment is next week! I'll be fine, I promise!" He picked up the bouquet and put it up to his nose. "I love chrysanthemums. But I hate white ones."

He frowned and plucked out all of the white chrysanthemums, snapped their stems, and threw them away from him.

"Why do you hate the white ones?" Alfred asked.

"In Japan," Kiku began. "White and black are the colours of death and mourning. White chrysanthemums are used for funerals and graves. The flowers themselves represent long life, healing, and perfection. The chrysanthemum is used in the Imperial Seal. They're very important in our culture," He blushed. "Red ones are given to someone you love or have high affection for. And in Japanese, my name means-"

"Chrysanthemum on top a single hill," Alfred repeated, and closed his eyes. "You told me when we first met."

"Yes!" Kiku smiled. "You remembered!"

"Of course I remember. Meeting you was one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

Alfred blushed a deep red at his comment.

"Oh, Alfred..." Kiku said. "That means so much to me. Thank you. My words can't express my gratitude and appreciation for you!"

"Uh, well... the same to you."

The Japanese teen smiled. "I really like being around you, Alfred. You make me really happy, did you know that? You don't make me feel lonely. You aren't my friend because of my condition, you're my friend because you actually like who I am. A-And I like who you are, too. You're kind and headstrong and you're not afraid to speak out or do new things, and you're friendly and just really great! You're something that I'm not, you remind me of someone who I can be, and I think that's the best part about our friendship... and I really couldn't ask for a better friend. I don't deserve to have someone like you in my life."

Alfred didn't bother to hold in his tears. His lip quivered and salty rivers ran down his cheeks.

"I didn't know you feel that way about me..." He said. "Thank you, Kiku. You... you really complete me..."

The black haired teen blushed. "Really?"

"Yes. I-I have a reason to live because of you. So... so thank you."

Kiku smiled and tightly hugged him. "Please don't thank me. I think you're amazing."

He deeply sighed and buried his head into Alfred's chest.

"Let's stay like this forever." Kiku whispered.

Alfred's heart skipped a beat, his stomach fluttered, and he swore he was the happiest person on earth.

* * *

**ahh finally done! these two are so cute i swear! thanks for reading, and please leave a review, fave or follow! thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**wheee i'm on a roll with this thing you guys!**

**I don't own hetalia or any mentioned products uvu**

* * *

Alfred felt like he couldn't breath. He was so happy, it was overwhelming. He stared at his ceiling, watching as the ceiling fan rotated in a slow, hypnotic way. Alfred smiled idiotically, and sighed happily. All he could think about was Kiku- all he wanted to think about was Kiku. His dream like daze was suddenly interrupted when he heard shouting coming from the kitchen.

With a roll of his eyes, Alfred climbed out of his bed and opened the door. The shouting grew louder, and the blond slowly creeped downstairs. The smell of alcohol was strong, and Alfred winced.

"I hate you! I wish I never met you!" Francis yelled.

"I'm so damn glad we're divorcing! I can't stand another second around you or your sorry excuses for children!" Arthur retorted. Francis hesitated.

"You may talk about me. You may talk about my wife. But you will _never _speak about my children. Not in my house."

"Your house?" Arthur laughed. "Your house! After your wife died and you lost everything, I was the one who took you in! I was the one who gave you a roof and clothes and food! I took care of you! I did everything!"

Alfred bit his lip. "Dad..." He whispered under his breath. Arthur continued yelling.

"But since you're so goddamn ungrateful, you selfish whore, you can just get _out! _Get the fuck out, Francis! You and your children! I'm done doing everything around this house!"

"You do everything?! Who stays home and cooks? Cleans? Does all the chores? The only thing you do is get drunk and yell!"

Suddenly, a sharp slapping sound. Alfred's eyes widened, and the tears brimming in his eyes spilled over. He covered his mouth with his hand to keep from screaming.

"I want you out of here by tomorrow morning," Arthur said, his voice low, dripping with venom. "If not, I'll call the police on your sorry ass."

Francis emerged from the kitchen, holding his slightly swollen cheek, and flinched when he saw Alfred's trembling body.

"Alfred?" He asked, going up to his teenage son. "Alfred, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"Papa..." He said between sobs. "You promised... you promised we wouldn't end up on the streets! You swore!"

"Oh, Alfred..." Francis began, stroking his son's hair. "I know, I know. I'm so sorry."

"Leave the boy alone."

The two turned and saw Arthur standing in the kitchen doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. Francis frowned.

"I'm his father. It's my job to comfort him."

Arthur scowled and raised his hand. "Are you disobeying me?!"

"Leave him alone!" Alfred cried. "Don't hurt him!"

Arthur scoffed and lowered his arm. "Hurry up and get out."

"Come, Alfred," Francis said, grabbing his hand and bringing him upstairs. "I'll tell Matthew. You start packing your things."

"Where are we gonna go? Please don't tell me we're going to a shelter!"

"Alfred, calm down. We're not going to a shelter. I-I'll ask a friend and see what they say. Okay? We're going to make it through this. I promise."

"But papa-!"

"Hush, Alfred. Pack your things."

* * *

Matthew and Alfred didn't go to school the next day. After being kicked out, with only a couple of bags and a little bit of hope, they took to the streets. They occasionally asked friendly-looking people for money, and by the time the sun was setting, they had enough money to buy a little bit of food.

"We're going to a shelter, aren't we?" Alfred asked, biting into a sandwich as he swung lightly on the park swing. Matthew deeply sighed.

"Looks like it." He said, and looked at Francis.

"I'm so sorry," The Frenchman muttered, unable to face his sons. "You two shouldn't be in this situation again. I made a promise when your mother died that we wouldn't end up in a shelter again, and I... I messed it up. I'm so sorry. I understand if you hate me, because I've just been an absolutely terrible father to you two. I've made you suffer with Arthur for five years, and I've just been so stressed and-"

"Papa?" Alfred asked.

"Yes...?"

"Stop talking."

Francis looked at Alfred, tears in his eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Stop talking," Alfred repeated. "Yeah, I know our situation is crap right now, but you're not a terrible father. You work hard to raise us and keep us safe. Without you, Matthew and I wouldn't be the way we are now. You stayed with Arthur because you loved him, and also because he was able to financially support us. And I know you're having trouble trying to find a job, because even with all your degrees there's no one who will accept you!"

Francis looked at Alfred for a moment before looking back at the ground. "I-I don't know what to say..."

"Al's right," Matthew added. "Even though life has been difficult for you for so long, you've still managed to pull through and support yourself _and_ two sons. I can't name a person who can do that! So, yeah, we're homeless now, and we're gonna have to go to a shelter, but that's okay! We'd never hate you. You're our father and you're the one who's been keeping us up, no matter what brings you down. I know how stressed and anxious you've been lately, because you look like you're about to break, so it's mine and Alfred's turn to keep _you_ up."

At this point, Francis was crying completely. He hid his face in his hands, sobbing pathetically into them.

"I don't deserve you two!" He said before breaking down into another fit of sobs.

"Don't cry, papa." Alfred whispered, and put his hand on Francis' back.

"And don't say that either," Matthew continued. "You're our father for a reason. We love you!"

Francis wiped his tears and laughed meekly. "It's just, my life has been full of heartbreak and abuse up until I met your mother. She was the sweetest thing and she made me feel like I was worth living, you know? And I feel like it's my fault she died..."

"It isn't your fault!" Alfred and Matthew shouted in unison. Francis shook his head.

"And if I actually had a job, you two wouldn't have to go through this again. You'd be in a nice warm home, with blankets and food. We wouldn't be begging for money or sleeping in the park and you wouldn't be missing school," He groaned and looked at the ground. "Everywhere I go I cause disaster. I can't even give my own two sons a decent life. For the past five years you've been victim to Arthur's wrath and abuse and... why can't I do anything right...?"

"Please don't say that," Alfred said, his throat suddenly dry and tightened. "You almost sound like you want to..."

Francis laughed. "Kill myself? I... I could never do that. I couldn't hurt you two in that way. I won't let you lose anyone else," He sighed. "It's getting late now. Let's head to the shelter. I don't want you to miss another day."

Alfred mumbled to himself. "I'd rather live on the streets."

* * *

The shelter was a somewhat lonely, quiet building, with several cots lined up against the wall. Alfred deeply sighed as he lied back against the cot. Arthur had taken his phone- since he claimed it was his- so there was nothing to do but stare at the ceiling.

"How long are we going to be living here, papa?" Matthew asked like he was a twelve year old again. Francis shrugged and rubbed his tired eyes.

"Until I get a job, I guess, and we can get an apartment..."

Alfred turned on his side. "Didn't you major in fashion and minor in business during college? I remember you took extra college courses when we were like, ten."

Francis lightly laughed. "Ah, yes. And I should've put those skills to use. But I thought, with your mother being a doctor and all, we didn't have to worry about money. And Arthur owns his own company, so... well, this just shows you how much of an idiot your father is."

Matthew frowned. "Don't call yourself that! We all make mistakes."

"Yes, but my mistakes ruined your lives."

"Papa..." Alfred began as he climbed out of the cot and went over to Francis, and put a hand on his back. "You're not a terrible father. I know you're under the weather, but it'll get better. My friend told me something important. Yeah, things are tough, and yeah, life is unfair, but sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can do is just push through and make the best out of it. Please don't blame yourself for the bad things that happen. You didn't do anything wrong. Life is just being an asshole. You're too amazing to be sad like this. So please, don't cry. If you... if you smile a little, then maybe things will change and get better! So please feel better... we love you."

Francis took a shaky breath and wiped his tears. "Oh, _mon enfants..._ I am so blessed to have you both."

Matthew and Alfred smiled and tightly hugged Francis, who sighed and hugged them back.

"You two should get some sleep. You have school tomorrow," He said and gently kissed their foreheads. "Good night. I love you both dearly."

"We love you too." The brothers said in unison.

* * *

Alfred took a deep breath as he saw Kiku approach him.

"Alfred!" The shorter teen happily said, waving over to him. The blond forced a smile and waved back.

"Hey, Kiku..."

When Kiku sat on the bench, his expression became worried. "Are you all right? You weren't here yesterday. And you seem troubled."

"Oh, uh, well... a lot has happened and..."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Alfred bit his lip. "M-My brother, papa and I were kicked out by my dad. We're, uh, living in a shelter now."

Kiku gasped. "That's horrible!"

"Yeah... and I'm pretty sure papa has depression now. Or he's always had it. He's been talking like he's suicidal lately. I'm really worried. I... I dunno. It's... difficult..."

Kiku looked at his lap. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could help. I would take you in but we don't have any extra rooms..."

"It's okay! You don't have to. Papa is gonna call his cousin and see if she'll take us in. Or... he's thinking of another thing..."

Kiku raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Y-Yeah. He says we might move."

"Move where?"

"Where he was born and raised... B-Burgundy."

Kiku widened his eyes. "What?!"

"His parents are filthy rich! But when he married my mom, they cut him off. He says they might take us in, and when they die, he'll get their inheritance _and _their mansion because he's an only child!"

"You can't!" Kiku gripped Alfred's arm. "You can't move all the way to France! How are we going to talk?!"

"Look, he said they _might _take us in. And even if they accept, we're not gonna move right away. Papa is gonna get a job, and once he gets some money, then he'll consider it. I don't want to move either, but what else are we going to do? This is the second time we're living in a shelter and papa doesn't want us to go through it again. He's seriously depressed and..."

Kiku took Alfred's hand. "I know you're conflicted. You do and don't want to move, I understand. It's like me. When I was adopted, I didn't want to leave the orphanage because I created so many great memories, but I knew I'd have a better life. It's difficult. But your father sounds like a smart, devoted man, and whatever decision he makes will be the right one. Even if you don't like it, it'll be for the best in the end!"

"But Kiku I..." Alfred said. His heart began racing and his head began spinning. "I love..." His breath hitched. "I love t-talking to you and being with you. You make me so happy and... I really like you!"

Kiku warmly smiled. "I really like you too... a lot."

Alfred licked his lips. "How much?"

"Uh... I-I don't think I can describe it...!"

The blond slowly nodded. "I'm sorry. That was a weird question. S-So, how's your health been lately...?"

Kiku wrapped his arms around his stomach. "Well... after the stem cell, they're gonna put me on dialysis. My kidney's are failing... but it's only for a few weeks! They haven't completely failed!"

Alfred sadly frowned. "That myeloma is really destructive, isn't it?"

"Yes, unfortunately. But, you know, people go through worse. They can be paralyzed, or be an amputee. At least I can heal, they can't..."

"Well, at least you're optimistic about it. That's what I like about you. You're always looking on the brighter side of things."

Kiku blushed. "Thank you! I think you need to be more optimistic, too."

Alfred laughed. "Maybe I do."

* * *

Francis deeply sighed as he scanned his resume. It looked good- hopefully enough for him to get a decent paying job.

"Francis."

The Frenchman turned around and gasped, his blue eyes going wide. "A... Arthur...?" He asked. Arthur pursed his lips.

"Please come back."

Francis laughed. "It's only been two days since you kicked us out, and you want us back? You must be drunk again."

"I'm not drunk. I-I thought about what I did and I want you back. I'm sorry for kicking you out."

Francis scoffed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for abusing you. I'm sorry for treating your children like shit." He mocked.

"Why won't you believe me?" Arthur growled.

"Because it's been the same thing for five years, Arthur! Five years! I'm not putting my children in danger again. How did you even find us?"

"I knew you'd be here. It's the only shelter in town."

"Well, you have a home. Go away. I don't want to see you again."

Arthur tightly gripped Francis' wrist and pushed him against the wall. Francis gasped and grunted as he tried to escape Arthur's hold.

"Let me go, you psychopath!" The Frenchman shouted.

"No! The divorce hasn't been finalized yet," Arthur sneered. "By law, you are still my husband, so I still control you!"

"You don't control anyone! Just leave us alone!" Francis cried, on the verge of tears. "Please..."

Arthur frowned. "You don't tell me what to do, ever! Do you understand?!"

Francis clenched his fists and kneed Arthur in the gut, the green eyed man groaning as he released Francis and doubled over.

"Sneaky bastard..." Arthur coughed.

"Get out," Francis said. "Or I'll call the police on your sorry ass."

Arthur laughed. "Threatening me, huh? Alright, Francis. I'll leave. You'll regret it though. You'll wish you came back!"

Francis scowled. "You disgust me. _Je ne veux jamais vous revoir."_

* * *

"Your father was here. He tried to hurt me."

Matthew and Alfred looked at each other, then back at Francis.

"Seriously?!" They asked.

"Yes. He eventually left but... my wrists hurt a bit. He dug his nails into them."

Alfred resisted the urge to punch the wall. "I hate that guy!" He angrily said. "He's a fucking asshole!"

"Language." Francis warned.

"Sorry. It's just... _j__e le deteste_."

"I know he's done terrible things to us all, but you have to admit, without him, we'd probably be on the streets. He's given us a home."

"I'd rather live in a cardboard box than be around him!" Matthew said. "And I mean that!"

"Now now, you two are getting overly worked up. He hasn't hurt me badly, just a scrape on my wrists. He won't bother us anymore. I've taken care of it. If worst comes to worst, I'll just get a restraining order."

Alfred frowned. "But that requires money, and money isn't something we have."

Francis sighed. "Well, you're lucky your Aunt Michelle knows people?"

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Aunt Michelle?"

Matthew nudged his side. "You know, papa's cousin. The lady with the pigtails."

"Oh... her."

"It's been a while since you've seen her, but we still keep in touch. She's more like a sister than a cousin." Francis said with a smile.

"So when are you going to call her?" Alfred asked, crossing his arms.

"Well, after I hand in my resume. There's a fashion agency hiring illustrators, so if they accept me I'd have to hand in a portfolio of my designs."

"I hope they accept you, papa." Matthew softly said.

"I do too!" Alfred added. Francis chuckled and smiled.

"Thank you both. Now get some sleep. I don't you two tired. Did you do your homework."

Alfred and Matthew nodded. Francis raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, we're sure!"

Francis smiled and ruffled his son's hair. "Okay, I believe you. Get on to sleep, then. It's late. I don't want you tired for school."

The brothers nodded and went to their cots, and Alfred sighed as he pulled the blankets over him.

"Tomorrow's Friday, anyway."

"That doesn't mean you can stay up late."

Alfred pouted. "Yeah, fine."

"Good night you two. I love you both."

"We love you too, papa."

As Alfred fell asleep, he couldn't help but feel anxious about his papa closing his eyes, because it reminded him too much of his deceased mother.

* * *

**translations-**

**mon enfants- my children (French)**

**Je ne veux jamais vous revoir- I never want to see you again (French)**

**je le deteste- I hate him (French)**

* * *

**yay! done with this one! oh geez I should work on my other story... oh well! thanks for reading, and please leave a review, fave, or follow! thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**oh geez sorry for the late update! i got so busy! but here it is!**

**i don't own hetalia or any mentioned products uwu**

* * *

To put things simply, Alfred was a mess. His hair was always ruffled, and not in the usual way. Dark circles underlined his eyes and he became skinnier. His clothes were often mix-matched, or appeared to be lazily thrown on. He slept in class more often than not- and was always shouted at because of it.

Ivan Braginsky, who was in Alfred's history, college math, and English class, couldn't help but worry. They were friends, after all- or at least, he considered them as such- and friends worried about each other. But Ivan was much too shy to ask Alfred what was wrong, or if he needed comfort.

Today, though, was different.

It was Tuesday, which meant P.E, which also meant all the juniors were going to be on the track. Ivan watched nervously from afar as Alfred jogged down the track, albeit slowly. He walked a distance behind him, his violet eyes moving to the ground. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, because he had to leave his scarf in the locker rooms, and before he knew it, he was next to Alfred. The blue eyed teen seemed to pay him no mind, but he slowed from a jog to a walk.

"Um, excuse me? Alfred? I hope I'm not bothering you." Ivan quietly said. Alfred turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

"Bothering me? I'm not really doing anything. Not sure how you could be doing that."

Ivan cursed at himself as his pale cheeks turned red. He slowly nodded.

"I know we don't talk much," He began. "Which is weird because we're in so many classes together. But I guess it's because you don't really like me, and that's okay. I mean, I don't mind if you don't like me. It would be appreciated if you did, but I'm not going to force you to-"

Alfred scoffed. "What're you trying to say?"

Ivan whimpered and looked at the mahogany track. "I'm sorry for rambling. I-It's just, well, I've noticed that you aren't quite yourself. A-And I'm a bit worried. If you want to talk about it, please know that I'm always here. I'm always willing to listen."

Alfred sighed. "Yeah, thanks. I guess I do need someone to vent my feelings towards, ya know?"

"I understand," Ivan said. "I understand completely."

Alfred sighed. "Well, how can I start this? Uh, so about a week or two ago, my dad kicked out me, my brother, and my papa out of the house. We've been living in a shelter ever since. And my papa has just been super depressed over it all. It's scaring me. Us. Matt and I. You know Matt, right? Well, that doesn't matter. My papa's been trying to find a job since we're sort of dirt poor right now, but it isn't going too well. He isn't receiving any calls back. He says he's gonna call his cousin, but for some reason, he hasn't yet, and it's really pissing me off. I feel like he's just stalling everything for no reason! On top of that, I've been unable to sleep for the past few nights and I barely have enough money to feed myself for the day."

Ivan's pace slowed dramatically and he found himself clawing at the hem of his shirt.

"Are you... serious?" He asked, his voice quieter than ever. Alfred nodded.

"Yeah. I know it seems ridiculous, but it's true."

"Well... m-maybe I can help?"

Alfred tilted his head. "Eh? How?"

"Well, m-my mother is a psychiatrist and my father is a CEO. So you can say we're kinda rich. If your papa is willing to, my father can hire him as an accountant or something. And, um, for your housing problem, I know this is a bit weird but... m-maybe we can take you in? Since Katyusha has her own place now, and my other sister is at boarding school, and my parents are almost always out, it gets sort of lonely. I don't really have friends so..." He hesitated and looked away. "I'm sorry. I'm being weird again."

"Wait, wait, wait-" Alfred said, shaking his head. "Your dad can offer mine a job, _and _you'd be taking us in? Are you serious?"

"We live in a large house, so space isn't a problem. I just thought I'd do something nice for a... friend." Ivan replied, having trouble saying the last word. It made a shiver crawl up his spine.

"That's... wow. I just- wow. I-I'm speechless right now. Are you sure you're serious?"

"I'm very serious! It's obvious you're having troubles, and it's obvious you need help, so let me be the one to provide it! Please? I want to know what it's like to do something nice for others."

"You make it seem like it's nothing!"

"It really isn't."

At this point, Alfred had stopped walking. He hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

"I can't believe this. I really can't."

"Why not?" Ivan asked, placing a hand on the shorter teen's shoulder.

"Because, just, the whole situation. The offer, the-the everything! It's... it's too good to be true!" Alfred clutched Ivan's shirt. "Tell me I'm not dreaming."

Ivan smiled warmly. "You're not."

* * *

Kiku couldn't understand the rising anger inside him as he listened to Alfred's story. Okay, maybe he did understand it- but it was still ridiculous! Sure, he was happy for Alfred. But the fact he was going to be practically living with someone else, let alone another _male, _made him furious. He had heard of Ivan on a few occasions, but who really _is _this Ivan? Is he handsome? Does he have a silky voice? A sexy, muscular build?

In Kiku's head, the answers were yes, yes, and yes. Because this Ivan seemed to be everything Alfred was looking for. Kiku could tell by the way his blue eyes lit up and how excited he was.

"I'm happy for you." Kiku said, trying to sound sincere, but he sounded like he grumbled. Alfred turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine! Perfectly fine!" Kiku replied. "_Aside from the fact that you're going to be with another person. Someone who isn't me!"_

All signs of Alfred's worry disappeared. He sighed contently and leaned back against the bench.

"I just can't believe it. It really is too good to be true!"

Kiku grunted in response. He had nothing else to say.

"So," Alfred said. "When's your stem cell transplant?"

"Thursday."

"Oh. Are you scared?"

"Well, a little. Yes. What if something goes wrong?"

Alfred smiled and Kiku melted. His smile. Kiku loved the way Alfred's cheekbones raised, even with the slightest tug of his lips. He loved the genuine look in Alfred's blue orbs, the look that said 'everything is going to be okay'. It gave him such a warm feeling in his chest, like Alfred himself was wrapping his strong arms around him, stroking his hair and whispering comforting words into his ear.

But Kiku didn't admit this. He couldn't. He took a deep breath and gripped his arm.

"Um, after the transplant," The brown eyed teen said. "I'll be very weak. I'll have to stay in the hospital for at least thirty days so, you know, my immune system can build itself back up."

Alfred nodded. "I see. So... we won't see each other?"

Kiku shook his head. "Not unless you visit me in the hospital. But if you do, you'd need to be, uh, clean and stuff like that."

"I'll try to visit you." Alfred smiled.

Unshead tears pricked Kiku's eyes. Something about Alfred was different. He didn't seem as concerned or worried. News like this would leave him on edge. But Alfred seemed casual and... laid-back. Kiku looked away and covered his mouth with his hand. Why did he feel like this? Why did he feel so jealous and hopeless? Why did he feel like a part of him was missing? Why did he want to cry? Because he knew, he knew that Alfred meant more to him than just a friend.

He knew he was in love with Alfred F. Jones.

* * *

Kiku spent most of the night crying. Mei, Yong Soo, and Leon watched from his bedroom doorway as he sobbed pathetically on his pillow. Mei wiped her own stray tears; Yong Soo fidgeted around, uncomfortable with both standing still and seeing his adoptive brother cry. Leon played with his thumbs, pushing them against each other. What could they do?

"Kiku?" Yong Soo finally asked after ten minutes of watching the scene. "What happened? Why are you crying? You've never cried before."

Kiku somehow managed to stop crying, his eyes red and puffy and his voice cracking.

"Y-You wouldn't unders-stand." He stuttered between sobs. He sniffed and wiped his tears, but more just fell. Great.

"Maybe we wouldn't, but you should still at least tell us." Mei said.

"Just go away," Kiku sniffed. "I don't need any more stress on my back."

Leon frowned. "Don't hide," He said, slowly and awkwardly. "We love you. Nice night."

With that, he left to his own bedroom. It took a few minutes before Mei and Yong Soo left as well, and for the second time that day, Kiku felt alone and empty.

The only thing he could do was cry more.

* * *

Yao was a slender man with long brown hair and honey brown eyes. He managed to keep himself looking young, young enough so that he could be mistaken as a teenager.

For the first time in almost a year, Yao took the week off.

He watched as his adoptive son, or brother, he wasn't really sure himself, lay motionlessly on his bed, as if he had lost all hope. Yao approached Kiku and sat beside him on the bed.

"What is the matter?" Yao asked, his voice soft and soothing. He stroked Kiku's hair, the feeling almost foreign to the teenager. But it felt good. Relieving. Despite this, Kiku didn't say anything. He continued to tightly clutch his pillow like his life depended on it. Yao frowned and sighed.

"You must be crying for a reason. Is it because of Thursday? Are you scared?"

Kiku shook his head. "No."

"Then what happened? Come. Talk to me about it."

"What's it like to fall in love?" Kiku asked after a few moments of silence. Yao pursed his lips.

"Happiness. Pure, raw happiness. And joy. You always want to be around that person. You want to be closer to them. With each word they say and each smile they give, your heart just feels like it's going to burst out of your chest. You want to spend every waking moment with them, and parting, even for just a moment, can be painful. But to put it simply, _xiao hua, _love is happiness."

Kiku took a deep breath. Happiness. Love is happiness.

"Why ask?" Yao added.

"B-Because... because I'm in love. I'm in love with someone and right now I think I'm the gayest person alive."

Yao laughed. "You teenagers nowadays."

"No. I-I think... I think I'm seriously in love. My friend Alfred, he means so much to me. He always brings a smile to my face. He makes me feel safe and calm. Everyday I look forward to seeing him, even for just a moment, because his smile alone is enough to make my stomach flutter. And just everything about him is so perfect. He's wonderful, Yao. Truly wonderful," He deeply sighed. "I love him. And I want to be with him. I want to hug him and kiss him and cuddle him. This is more than just a crush! I-"

"I get it," Yao smiled. "I get how you feel. This silly feeling called love, it's amazing isn't it?"

"Yes. It is."

Yao closed his eyes and hummed absentmindedly.

"Can I ask you something?" Kiku asked. Yao opened a honey brown eye.

"Hm?"

"How come you aren't married? Why are you single and struggling with four kids, two with mental disorders, one with a heart defect, and one with cancer? Just... why?"

Yao took a deep breath. "Because I find in the four of you what I can't find in anyone else. In each and every one of you, I see something special. Something unique. You're all fighting your own battles and you've been holding on for so long. I love you four like I've never loved anything else. Biologically, you are not mine, but you don't need blood to be family. I don't _need _a wife to be loved. The four of you, well, you're more than just support. You're comfort. You're memories. You're my little special angels, and nothing can ever change that," Yao smiled and gently kissed Kiku's forehead. "You're beautiful. All of you. Your cancer, and Yong Soo's ADHD, and Leon's Asperger's, and Mei's heart is what make you all beautiful. Just like the chrysanthemums of your name, and of your country, you are eternal. _Wo ai ni."_

Kiku blinked tears away and smiled. "Thank you, Yao."

"I say you go after him. At least try. Now go to bed, okay? You look like you need rest."

"I think I do," Kiku yawned and stretched. "Thank you again. But what about you?"

"Don't fret now. I'll be fine. Just worry about you, okay? Good night, Kiku."

"Mhmm... good night, then."

Kiku fell asleep to the sound of his steady heartbeat and dreamed of dancing with clouds.

* * *

Francis wasn't sure if it was stress or pure desperation that made him agree to such an offer. He and his sons were practically living with strangers- this has never happened to anyone, has it?

Ivan's home was a large, two story, beige bricked house with freshly cut lawn and a pool in the backyard. Inside, it was even more magnificent- a modern interior design, with a chandelier hanging on the ceiling in the entrance.

"Do you want to sleep in seperate rooms?" Ivan asked shyly, taking off his shoes and placing them beside the door.

"Well, it depends on how many-" Francis started.

"We have enough space!" Ivan quickly said. "There are two guest rooms upstairs. Maybe Alfred and Matthew can sleep in one and you sleep in the other, sir," Ivan said, gesturing towards Francis. "I-I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Francis said, readjusting his bag strap. "Thank you for taking us in. I-I really can't express my gratitude."

Ivan shook his head. "There's no need to! I already called my parents and they said it's okay that you stay. They won't be here a lot anyway, so you'll never notice them! So please, make yourselves at home. Um, the guest rooms are upstairs, first and second door on the left. You can choose which one! If you're hungry, I can make some food..."

Francis shook his head and placed his hand on Ivan's shoulder.

"Please," The blond said. "Don't stress yourself out."

"I-I'm not stressed!" Ivan retorted, his face flushed. He looked down and played with his scarf. "It's just that this is the first time I've actually had guests over. You know, friends? W-Well, I know we're not really friends, so I hope we can get to know each other better while you stay here. Um..." Ivan looked at the floor. "I'm sorry for rambling. I do that a lot, especially when I'm nervous. I'm sorry for holding you up..."

"Ivan," Alfred chuckled. "Stop talking!"

Ivan squeaked and looked away. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Alfred and Matthew made their way upstairs to the guest room, where their eyes widened in awe. The walls were painted grey, the ceiling kept white. There were two large windows, and propped against the wall was a flat screen tv. The room itself was quite large, with a queen sized bed next to the doorway, a nightstand on the other side of the bed.

"This room is amazing! This is for guests?" Alfred asked, dropping his bag and walking around the room. He stood in front of a large, full length wall mirror and opened it.

"Walk in closet!" He exclaimed. Matthew plopped onto the bed and deeply sighed.

"It's so soft. And it smells like lavender!"

"Are we gonna have to share a bed?"

Matthew chuckled. "In all honesty, with a room like this, I don't really care. I don't mind sharing with you."

Alfred walked to his bag and knelt down beside it, taking out the few outfits he had.

"I still can't believe this is happening." He muttered.

"Yeah, Ivan's really sweet, isn't he?"

"I guess..."

Suddenly, Alfred froze. He noticed Kiku looked so troubled lately, but he didn't pay attention to it. He was so busy talking about Ivan, he totally ignored Kiku.

"Oh god." He said under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Matthew asked.

"Kiku's transplant is tomorrow and... I totally messed up. Goddammit it, I messed up!"

"How? Who's Kiku?"

"I-It's something you won't understand."

Matthew frowned. "If you're hiding something-"

"I'm not hiding anything! I... I'm an idiot, Matt!"

"Just now figured that out?"

Alfred glared at his brother. "Look, I need to see Kiku and I need to apologize to him."

Matthew shrugged. "I dunno who this Kiku person is, but I agree with you finding him. He seems like he means a lot to you."

"He does!" Alfred hesitated. "He does..."

Francis poked his head into the brother's room and smiled. "Are you two busy? I'm going to start making dinner. Do your homework with Ivan or something."

"Dinner?" Alfred looked at his phone. "It's only 3:30, but whatever."

* * *

Matthew and Alfred sat awkwardly in the living room, Ivan sitting cross-legged on the couch. He turned over a worksheet and eyed it.

"Are you sure this was for homework?" He asked, handing Alfred the paper. Alfred shrugged and sighed.

"Whatever. Do it for extra credit."

Ivan retreated his hands to his lap and looked down. "Sorry." He muttered.

"Sorry for what?" Matthew and Alfred asked in unison. Ivan hugged himself and fiddled nervously with his scarf.

"I-I don't know. I'm sorry. I say sorry a lot. I'm afraid if I don't apologize, you'll get mad at me and not want to be my friend. My father says it's really stupid but I can't help it," He bit his lip. "I rambled again. I'm sorry. I keep talking and everyone says I need to learn how to shut up. Maybe that's why I don't have any friends."

Matthew frowned. "Now don't say that! I'm sure you have friends!"

Ivan hesitated. "I don't. Do you ever see me in the halls talking to someone? Or at lunch, don't you notice I'm always alone?" He seemed to recede into his scarf. "I mean, Berwald and I work together to create costumes when needed, but we ever rarely talk. Nobody really likes me..."

Alfred couldn't help but feel pity for Ivan. He was a kind person- he deserved a friend or two. Even more.

"Don't get so down," Alfred said with a smile. "If you speak out more, maybe you'll be able to make some friends! You have two already, three if you count Francis, so you're making good progress!"

Ivan's eyes lit up and twinkled like a clear night sky. "R-Really...?"

"Yep!"

Matthew nodded. "Yeah, we're friends."

Ivan's lip quivered and he looked down, his bangs covering his face. He played with his thumbs.

"I've never been around people much, so I have trouble showing my feelings, and I'm sorry for that," He quietly said. "The best I can do is say thank you. I-I don't know how else I can express my gratitude..." He sniffed and wiped his eyes, still looking at the floor. "I-I hope that we can become good friends, and I'll be able to get over my anxieties, if possible."

Alfred and Matthew tilted their heads slightly, and Ivan looked at them, tears welling in his eyes.

"T-Thank you for giving me the chance to be your friend! I promise I won't mess it up! If we can all be happy, then that'll make me really happy, too! S-So if I do anything stupid, please tell me..."

Alfred laughed and waved his hand. "Dude, you gotta stop being so formal! Just lay back for a little while, okay?"

As he and Matthew laughed away, all Alfred could think about was Kiku.

* * *

**translations-**

**xiao hua- little flower (Chinese)**

**wo ai ni- I love you (Chinese)**

* * *

**whee i'm done! this was a really cute chapter! i liked it and i hope you did too! thanks for reading, and please leave a review, fave, or follow. thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**thank you all so much for faves, follows, and your kind review! i appreciate every single one of them, i really can't thank you guys enough. you guys are great. thanks for waiting for this chapter!**

**i don't own hetalia or any mentioned products uvu**

* * *

Alfred bit his lip until it bled. He picked his nails raw. He paced until he made a depression in the floor. He was beyond anxious. Sleeping was almost impossible. He even began talking to himself.

It was just Ivan and Alfred one day, and Ivan found it increasingly difficult to focus on his work while Alfred mumbled to himself.

"Um, excuse me?" Ivan quietly said, setting his papers down on the coffee table in front of him. "Um, I'm sorry for beind rude, but your talking is a bit annoying."

Alfred stopped in front of him and deeply sighed. "Sorry," He muttered. "I'm just so worried about Kiku. His transplant was a couple days ago and I'm anxious to know if he's okay or not."

"I'm sure he is," Ivan said. "You musn't worry. If you want, I could call Katyusha and ask how he's doing."

Alfred hesitated for a moment. "Uh, you don't have to do that! I-It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well," Ivan sighed while standing up. "I want to make dinner tonight. What are you in the mood for? Russian meals aren't very diverse, we mainly eat soup, meat, and fish, so..." He turned his eyes to the ground.

"Uh, well I guess soup is fine." Alfred said.

"Then would you like solyanka? It's thick and a bit spicy and sour, and it has a lot of vegetables and meat. I'm not sure if you'll like it, but maybe you can try it!"

"Solyanka." Alfred repeated. Ivan lightly laughed.

"Your accent is funny."

The blue eyed teen rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

* * *

"I came here three years ago with absolutely no idea of how to speak English. I took a class in German instead of English because I thought I could learn it next year. But by the end of the year we had to move. When I came here, there was no one who understood Russian."

"Seriously?" Alfred asked. "So how did you get by?"

"That's a good question," Ivan said. "I was homeschooled and got a tutor who taught me English until my parents thought I knew enough to go to public school."

"I transferred to W. Academy last year," Alfred muttered. "So you went there in ninth grade?"

Ivan nodded. "Mhmm. But I missed that whole year and went in tenth grade. I was really on and off with my school in Russia. We moved around a lot because my father would always pick a fight with someone and didn't want to be around them, so sometimes I'd go to school and other times I'd be homeschooled."

"Wow... that must've tough," Alfred said. "I-Is that why you have trouble making friends?"

Ivan nodded and sighed as he stirred the soup mixture in the pot. "I've never really been around people my age until recently, so I don't know how to react. If someone approaches me, what am I supposed to do? I panic and... I don't know what to do. It scares me..."

"No need to be scared. Just be you," Alfred said, smiling. "I think people will like you."

Ivan blushed and looked at the stew. "T-Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

* * *

Alfred was able to convince Francis to go to the hospital with him. When they reached there, only Alfred went up, while Francis stayed in the lobby and slept in a chair.

When Alfred went to the sixth floor, since Kiku was moved from the fifth, he had to wash his hands several times and put on a face mask.

"Is this really necessary?" He asked, eyeing the pale blue mask. The doctor, Katyusha, nodded.

"Yes. His immune system is very weak right now. We can't risk infection." She explained. Alfred sighed and put on the mask, and forced a smile as Katyusha opened the door.

"Try to be quiet," Katyusha said. "He's probably still asleep."

Alfred slowly closed the door and stayed behind, watching as Katyusha went around the bed and placed a gentle hand on Kiku's sleeping figure.

"Kiku?" She quietly asked, her voice like silk. "I know you're exhausted, but it's time to wake up now."

Kiku groaned quietly and shifted around. He turned on his back and yawned, raising his arms into the air.

"I'm so tired." He whispered, rubbing his eyes. He sat up and turned to the door, his brown eyes widening.

"A-Alfred?!" He exlaimed. Alfred smiled slightly and waved.

"Hey," He said. "I came to see you."

"I'll leave you two alone. Call if you need anything, okay?" Katyusha said before opening the door and walking out of the room, her heels clicking behind her.

Alfred approached the bed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He sighed and sat in the chair beside Kiku's bed. "This mask is stupid."

"Sorry," Kiku said, bringing his knees up to his chest. "But everyone says it's mandatory. With the way my immune system is now, even something as simple as the flu can be deadly. No chances."

"Yeah, I get it," He replied. "So how are you?"

"I'm okay. I'm just really tired. I've been sleeping a lot. It's just a side effect of the chemo, though. I'm lucky my hair hasn't fallen out."

He tried to laugh, but Alfred only frowned.

"I came to apologize." He said. Kiku looked at him and blinked.

"Apologize? For what?"

"For not considering your feelings before," Alfred sighed. "When I was flipping out about Ivan, I was so indulged in my problems that I didn't think about yours, and I'm really sorry! C-Can you forgive me?"

Kiku tightly gripped the bedsheets. "Why would you think I wouldn't forgive you? Honestly, I shouldn't have been jealous."

Alfred tilted his head. "Jealous?"

"Well, yeah," Kiku lightly blushed. "I didn't like that you were talking about Ivan so much. It made me feel like you liked him more than you liked me. But then I realized that he was helping you, offering you a place to stay and your father a job. It was very rude and unrational of me to get upset, and I apologize for that. _Gomenasai."_

"Hey, don't apologize," Alfred said, putting his hand over Kiku's. "It's fine."

"I still feel bad for it. I'm sorry."

Alfred chuckled and slightly smiled. He took a deep breath and clenched his fists. "Are you doing okay in here?"

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm lonely without Tino, though, but I'm glad you're here! The only time I really socialize with anyone is when I go to my physical therapy or if Katyusha comes in."

"Oh..."

Kiku nodded and sighed. "I mainly sleep. There's not much to do."

"If I'm able to visit again, I'll bring you something."

"Really?"

"Like, a game or something! Don't worry, it'll be fun and you won't be bored anymore!"

Kiku warmly smiled. "Thank you, Alfred. You're the best."

"Don't mention it! It's just..." The blond blushed. "I care about you, ya know? And... I-I really like you. A lot."

Kiku deeply blushed. "I-I like you too."

"Can I ask you something weird?"

"Um... sure, I guess."

Alfred tried to gulp, but his throat was too dry to do so. "A-Are you into boys?" He quickly asked. Kiku blinked once and looked at Alfred with confusion on his face.

"E-Excuse me?" He asked.

"I said if you're into guys. You know, like if you're g-gay...?"

"Oh, um..." Kiku looked down. "I'm bisexual."

Alfred's heart raced. "S-So, if a guy were to ask you out, would you accept?"

"I don't know," The Japanese teen played with the hem of the bedsheets. "It would depend on the person. That _is_ a weird question. Why are you asking me that?"

"W-Well, I dunno. Just curious."

Kiku raised an eyebrow. "What are you?"

"Oh, I'm... I, uh," Alfred cleared his throat. "I-I like guys, so..."

"Oh. Does your family know?"

"I only told papa because he understands better."

"Ah. You should come out to them. They'll understand."

"I dunno. I don't feel ready yet."

Kiku nodded. "I understand."

Alfred deeply sighed. "Kiku... we've been friends for a while now and... I always find myself thinking about you a-and missing you and... wanting to be with you all the time. And every time I think about cutting myself, I think about you and just seeing your smile is enough to make me happy for the whole day. S-So, I... will you... w-would you like to... g-go out with m-me...?"

Kiku's face flushed. "Like... be your boyfriend?"

"Exactly like that!" Alfred said. "I really, really like you Kiku! Okay? I-It drives me crazy because you're right next to me and I wanna hug you and kiss you and make you blush and feed you cheesecake all the time! I really wanna date you..."

Kiku covered his mouth with his hand and slowly shook his head. Alfred's heart dropped.

"I'm sorry," The blond muttered. "I understand if you reject me. I'm sorry. I'm really stupid."

"What?! Alfred, no, I-I'd love to! I'd _love _to date you. I-I feel the same way you feel about me. And my feelings for you are really strong. So... yes. I'll be your boyfriend."

Alfred blinked and deeply sighed in relief. "Oh God, I thought- wow. I sort of can't believe this!" He said, a smile slowly forming on his face, and he laughed. "You're my boyfriend... _you're _my boyfriend!"

Kiku laughed and lightly blushed. "Yes! W-We're a couple now!"

Alfred deeply sighed. "I never thought something like this would happen to a person like me. You're amazing, Kiku. You've really changed me."

Kiku smiled. "You've changed me, too. Before, I thought there was no hope with my cancer. I hated it so much. But when I met you, you've helped me appreciate life. While I may die early because of it, I've learned to accept it and appreciate it. This myeloma made me who I am. It's made me want to keep trying and fighting to live another day just so I can see you. It's painful at times, but my struggles made me, well, me. So in a way, I'm sort of glad I have it, and I'm glad I have you. Because if I didn't, I'd probably still be crying and complaining about my siblings because of their disabilities, and I'd have no appreciation for life like I do now."

"Kiku..." Alfred said, and wiped tears from his eyes. "Damn it, you're making me cry..."

"I'm sorry, but it's true!"

"The world needs more people like you. You're absolutely fantastic, Kiku Honda."

And Kiku smiled.

* * *

Alfred spent most of his free time in content, staring at the ceiling, thinking Kiku. He ached to see him again, to actual touch him and love him. While Francis noticed this, he knew it was love, and chuckled as he watched Alfred lay in his bed.

* * *

Ivan watched curiously as Alfred zoned out while doing his homework.

"Are you okay?" Ivan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Huh? What?" Alfred stammered. "I, uh, yeah! I'm fine!"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Oh, um..." Alfred chuckled and shook his head. "Someone."

Ivan's heart jumped. "Someone? Who?"

"My b- uh, friend. My friend."

Violet eyes went wide. "R-Really? Who?"

"It's someone you don't know."

"Oh..." Ivan trailed off. He looked at the floor, tears suddenly pricking his eyes. "O-Okay."

Alfred slightly smiled. "Yeah."

"Who is this friend?"

"Uh, he's, um... remember the one who I bought flowers for? That's him."

"Really? Huh," Ivan licked his lips. "My favourites are sunflowers."

"Oh. I don't think I have a fa-"

"And my favourite dessert is lymonnyk. That's lemon pie. But I also like syrniki topped with kissel sauce. My favourite colour is yellow, or maybe light orange. I really like cold weather, and I get sunburn easily in the sun. I get sick easily, too."

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Why are you telling me this?"

Ivan blushed. "I-I just thought you'd want to get to know me better. Don't you?"

"Well, yeah but... it's a little random that you're just telling me this stuff all of a sudden."

Ivan fiddled with his scarf. "I'm sorry, I..."

"No need to apologize! There's just no reason to be so awkward."

"R-Right... I'm sorry..."

"You know what I notice?" Alfred said. "You're always wearing that scarf, and you never wear short sleeves. Why is that?"

Ivan's breath hitched. "I-I really like long sleeved shirts, is all. A-And this scarf is very special to me. Katyusha gave it to me as a birthday present and..."

"Even if you like long sleeved shirt, it gets hot as hell during summer. So why...?"

Ivan looked down and hugged his knees to his chest. "Because my parents say my skin is ugly so I should hide it."

"What? That's rude!"

"No, it isn't. They're right."

"Your folks seem harsh."

"They're only like that so I won't end up like a crybaby. They want me to be successful, like my sisters."

"Oh... I get that. My dad was like that, too."

"Yeah..." Ivan deeply sighed. "I have to prepare dinner now."

"Do you have to? Doesn't your mom cook?"

"If I don't cook, I'll be punished," Ivan said, standing up. "Excuse me."

Alfred watched as he walked to the kitchen. "Yo, Ivan. Are you okay?" He asked, following the Russian teen.

"I am fine. Why ask?"

"You seem, I dunno, different."

"Where is Matthew?"

"Uh, with his friends, I guess. He's been with them a lot lately."

"Friends." Ivan repeated. There was a few moments of silence between the two before the sound of the front door opening entered their ears.

"They're here..." Ivan said, and quickly walked out of the kitchen, Alfred following. "_Otets!" _He exclaimed, putting on a smile. "W-Welcome home...! A-And the same to you, Mr. Francis."

Francis smiled and waved, while Ivan's father, a tall and burly man with shaggy blond hair and brown eyes, frowned. He asked something in Russian, his deep voice enough to send a shiver down Alfred's fine. Ivan replied and looked down.

"Um, Alfred," Francis quietly said as he took off his shoes. "M-Maybe we should leave them alone..."

Alfred slowly nodded and went up the stairs, with Francis right behind him.

"What was that about?" Alfred asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mr. Braginsky had a long day, so it's best we don't interfere with him." Francis replied, taking his hair out of its ponytail.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, whatever they want to talk about is between them. We have no right to eavesdrop."

Alfred slowly nodded and trailed Francis to his room. "Right... Ivan's dad is scary as hell."

"Alfred!"

"I'm just sayin'!"

"Stop being so rude."

"Okay, okay, sorry."

* * *

It was three weeks before Kiku and Alfred saw each other again. When they met at the bench, they couldn't help but hug each other.

"I missed you so much." Kiku whispered, resting his head on Alfred's chest.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I couldn't see you again, but my papa was working all through the night."

Kiku smiled and shook his head as wiggled out of Alfred's arms. "Don't apologize! We're here together now," He frowned. "The doctors say I have to stay away from these kind of places. Can we go to the cafe?"

Alfred nodded. "Of course!"

They looked at each other, albeit awkwardly, before Alfred took Kiku's hand and intertwined their fingers. Kiku's cheeks turned red and he looked at the blond.

"D-Do you mind this?" Alfred asked. "M-My palms get sweaty, so..."

"No, I don't mind," Kiku giggled. "I really like it."

They walked like that, together, hand in hand. It was a wonderful feeling for both of them.

* * *

When they reached the cafe and settled at a table, silence fell before them. Kiku brows furrowed in worry as Alfred pushed his thumbs against each other.

"What're you thinking about?" Kiku asked.

"Ivan," Alfred sighed. "I'm sorta worried about him. He's been more quiet lately, and every time his dad comes home he just becomes terrified for some reason. I don't wanna jump to conclusions but..."

Kiku put his hand over Alfred's. "Maybe his father is just intimidating. You know how in the military, drill sergeants can be kind of scary? Maybe his dad is like that."

"Yeah... yeah, maybe."

"It's good that you're worried, though. It means you care. Try to talk to him about it sometime if it's bothering you, yeah?"

"I will," Alfred smiled. "Thanks, Kiku. You're the best."

Kiku smiled back. "You don't have to thank me," He sighed and looked out the window. "If you don't see me tomorrow, don't worry. I'm going to start dialysis tomorrow..."

"O-Oh, um, okay. How have you been since the transplant, anyway?"

"Ugh," Kiku groaned. "I've been put on loads of chemo. It leaves me exhausted a few hours after I take it, and most of the time I don't even do anything. On top of that, I'm constantly naseous and I always feel like I'm gonna throw up. Otherwise, I'm fine. These side effects are normal, I guess."

Alfred frowned slightly and ran his thumb over the blue veins on Kiku's hand.

"It'll be over soon." He muttered.

"I know it will. They're hoping I'll go into at least partial remission, but there's always a chance I can relapse."

"But... you'll be okay, right? We'll be together, right?" Alfred asked, his tone distressed.

Kiku smiled. "Of course we will! I'll fight, Alfred. I'll fight for you."

"Fight for _us."_

"For us. Yes, for us! I like that."

Alfred smiled. "Thank you. I..." He blushed. "I-I really... like you...?"

The brown eyed teen giggled. "I really like you, too."

* * *

**translations-**

**gomenasai- I'm sorry (formal/polite, Japanese)**

**otets!- Father! (Russian) (I think)**

* * *

**I DID IT YOU GUYS I MADE THEM A COUPLE AND THEY'RE SO CUTEEEE AHHHh**

**but don't worry**

**do you hear a horn in the distance?**

**that's the sound of the tragedy train. all abord the tragedy train at feels station! last stop, happiness and squealing. next stop, crying and heartbreak! :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**hello everyone i am here uwu school's almost out finally. ugh. school always lets out hella late here gosh diggity dengit **

**anyway don't hate me for this chapter**

**i don't own hetalia or any mentioned products!**

* * *

Alfred hummed quietly as he waited for Kiku to appear. It has been over an hour, but he wasn't worried. He knew he'd be there. Sure enough, Kiku came walking up the path a few minutes later, a bashful smile on his face.

"I'm so sorry for being so late," He said, walking up to Alfred and gently kissing his forehead. "I was at the hospital longer than I thought. We were discussing dialysis treatment. It's gonna start today."

Alfred slightly frowned. "Really?"

"Mhmm," Kiku stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. "But don't worry. It'll happen at night so it won't interfere with our meeting time!"

"Alright, fine. But isn't dialysis, like, permanent?"

Kiku sighed. "Yeah, it is. Katyusha strongly recommends I get a kidney transplant, but until I get a donor..."

Alfred took the shorter teen's hand and smiled. "Don't worry. You will."

"Thank you. Um, can we go to the library? I'm in the mood to read some books!"

"Of course we can~"

* * *

The two reached the library, a large, magnificent brown bricked building, with marble columns lining the front, and large white stairs greeting them.

"I swear this place is like a courthouse." Alfred said with a roll of his eyes. Kiku giggled and pulled him up the stairs.

"Come, let's go inside!"

Alfred pushed the mahogany doors open, the interior looking larger than the exterior. Massive bookcases lined neatly in a row stood not too far before them. A second floor showed more bookcases. A receptionist sitting at a desk looked up from a book and smiled warmly. Her hair was blond and she had innocent green eyes.

"Hello Kiku," She said, her voice small and child-like. Kiku smiled.

"Hi Lili!"

"Are you here to bring back any books?" The girl, Lili, looked down at the red book she was reading and giggled. "Never mind! Silly me, you brought back all your books already! Forgive me."

Kiku waved his hand. "It's okay."

"Is this your friend?" Lili asked, gesturing towards Alfred.

"Um..." Kiku blushed and looked at his feet.

"Oh! I understand!" Lili smiled. "Well, just stay quiet so you won't disturb the other readers. Enjoy!"

"Thank you!" Kiku smiled as he dragged Alfred to the bookcases.

"I think I've seen her before," Alfred quietly said. "Isn't she a freshman?"

"Yes. And her brother should be in your grade. Vash?"

"Oh, yeah, I know him. We don't talk much though."

"Hm..." Kiku gasped and made a beeline to the mythology section. Alfred chuckled and followed him.

"What're you looking for?" He asked as he watched Kiku scanned the books.

"Found it!" Kiku said, pulling out a book and showing it to Alfred. The book had a red cover with golden characters.

"What is this?" Alfred asked, examining the characters.

"It's a book about the Chinese gods," Kiku said. "It says _zhongguo shenhua._ Chinese mythology."

"You can read that?"

"I can only read a few characters. Yao and Mei taught me some Chinese."

Kiku took Alfred to a small corner where there was a circular table and two chairs. They sat in each and Kiku flipped through the book, landing on a page and showing it to Alfred.

"Here," He said. "This is Tu Er Shun."

"What's he the god of?"

Kiku deeply blushed. "Love between two men. I guess that's why he's my favourite. He reminds me of us."

"Oh..." Alfred said, red covering his own cheeks. "Hey, can you believe it's been almost a month since we started dating?"

Kiku giggled. "Because for the first three weeks I was in the hospital, silly!"

"Well, yeah... but still! Gosh, and it's almost December, too."

"Time flies by so quickly."

"It does," Alfred deeply sighed. "We should kiss."

"Us? Kiss? Um, a-alright. But I've never kissed anyone before so-"

"Neither have I! C'mon, let's just try it."

Kiku blushed. "A-Alright..." He took a deep breath and leaned forward, with Alfred doing the same. When their lips met, they tightly held each other's hand. Alfred felt like someone set off fireworks inside of him. His stomach fluttered and his heart raced. Kiku's lips were soft and tasted sweet. It was a gentle kiss, and for a moment Alfred felt like nothing or no one else mattered. They pulled away moments later, Alfred keeping his eyes closed, a wide smile crossing his face.

"Wow..." He said and gently squeezed Kiku's hand. Kiku blushed and nodded.

"T-That was... very nice." The shorter teen whispered, brushing his fingers over his lips. "We actually kissed?"

Alfred opened his eyes. "Mhmm!"

"Oh... so it wasn't just a dream."

"No. It wasn't."

Kiku smiled and stood up. "Let's go out somewhere."

* * *

Kiku hummed quietly as he held a small white plastic bag in one hand and Alfred's hand in the other.

"Thank you for walking me home." The shorter teen giggled. Alfred smiled.

"I'm not gonna let my boyfriend go home alone. That'd be rude!"

Kiku blushed. "I-I like it when you call me that. And thank you for buying cake for me. You didn't have to, really!"

Alfred chuckled and gently kissed Kiku's hand. "Oh, shut up. I wanted to."

When they reached Kiku's house, they turned to each other and blushed.

"Thanks again for walking me home." The Japanese teen said, pushing some hair out of his face.

"No problem!"

"I-I'll see you tomorrow?"

Alfred nodded. "Of course. Um..." He leaned forward and pecked Kiku's lips.

"W-Wait," Kiku said, gripping Alfred's shirt. "I-I want a real kiss. Like this..." He stood on his toes and wrapped his arms around Alfred's neck, connecting their lips together. Alfred closed his eyes and slowly placed his arms around Kiku's waist, tilting his head slightly. Alfred moved his hands to cupping Kiku's cheeks and pulled away.

"We should do that more often," The blond whispered before kissing his partner again. "I'll see you tomorrow, babe. Love ya~"

Kiku's face flushed. "I-I love you, too."

The phone that Ivan's parents had gotten for Alfred began ringing before either of them could do anything, and Alfred fished it out of his pocket.

"Hello?" He asked. "Matt, what's up?"

He waited a moment, and Kiku could hear panicked words on the other line.

"Whoa, what's wrong? What happened? _Se calmer, Mathieu!" _

Alfred waited another moment before his blue eyes went wide. "God... I'll be there soon!"

"What happened?" Kiku asked, grabbing Alfred's shoulder.

"I-I dunno, Matthew called and said papa wasn't conscious and... I-I dunno! Kiku, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Let me come with you!"

Alfred shook his head and began running the other direction. "Go home!"

"I'm not!" Kiku said, jogging after Alfred. "I'm not going home!"

* * *

By the time Alfred and Kiku reached the house, a police car and ambulance were there. The ambulance drove off, sirens wailing in the distance Alfred widened his eyes and stormed inside the house, where Matthew, Ivan, his mother, and a police officer were sitting on the couch.

"Al..." Matthew said, running over to his brother and tightly hugging him.

"What's wrong?" Alfred asked. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know! I went to papa's room a-and I found him unconscious and I could barely feel a pulse... God, I was so scared!"

"Is he okay? D-Did he have a heart attack or something? Stroke?"

"No, no..." Matthew shook his head, tears forming in his violet eyes, which were already red and puffy. "I found a pill bottle next to him and... he looked like he was crying recently or something... I-I don't know..."

"Alfred?" Kiku called from the doorway.

"We have to go to the hospital!" Alfred shouted. "We have to see him! I have to know if he's okay or not!"

Ivan's mother stood up and wiped her hands on her dress. Her pale blond hair was tied into a loose bun and her violet eyes were surprisingly calm.

"The hospital will call us," She said, her voice carrying a thick Russian accent. "They will tell us of your father's condition."

"But..." Alfred stammered. Tears began to fill his own eyes. He fell to his knees and hid his face in his hands. "Papa... why would he...?"

Ivan's mother went up to Alfred and knelt beside him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I've only seen him a few times, but I can tell that your father is, ah, mentally damaged. As a psychiatrist, the signs are more obvious to me. Tell me, has anything traumatizing happen in the past few weeks?"

Alfred sniffed and wiped his tears. "Well..." He began.

"He divorced," Matthew finished. "And we lived in a shelter for a bit. I guess he was hurt because he said we wouldn't end up there again, but we did..."

"And Arthur tried to hurt him." Alfred continued.

"He's been having trouble finding a job..."

"And I guess he's embarrassed because we have to live with you, not that we're not grateful."

Matthew looked down. "If you think about it, papa's been through a lot. We don't know much about his past either, but..."

Ivan's mother nodded. "Mhmm. I understand. I'd have to give a more thorough examination to properly diagnose him, but the hospital can do that. Does he usually take sleeping pills?"

"I had no idea he took them!" Matthew explained.

"Me either!" Alfred sighed. "We thought he was just fine, but look. He tried to... commit suicide..."

Matthew's fists trembled. "Please don't say that word. Please, I... I can't stand it."

Alfred took a deep breath and stood up. He walked out of the house, pushing past Kiku, and walked down the street.

"A-Alfred?" Kiku asked worriedly, following him. "Are you okay?"

The blond stopped walking and slowly shook his head. "No," He said, turning to Kiku. "No, I'm not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing is _ever _okay! My father is in the hospital because he tried to kill himself, a-and you're asking if I'm okay? Really?"

Kiku flinched and looked down. "I-I'm sorry. I know that was a stupid question. I'm sorry..."

Alfred's expression softened and he walked towards the shorter teen. "No, babe," He said, embracing Kiku and gently stroking his hair. "Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you. I'm sorry. I-I'm just... I'm so scared. What if he dies? You can die from overdose, especially with sleeping pills! I... I don't know what to do..."

Kiku cupped Alfred's cheeks and kissed his nose. "You need to calm down," He whispered. "And you need to remain positive. Keep your father in your prayers. He is strong, and he will live through this. I promise."

Alfred sniffed and wiped his tears. "This is why I love you. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

They kissed momentarily, and Alfred took Kiku's hand. They walked back to the house, and when Ivan saw the two hand-in-hand, his heart almost stopped. He looked away, tears filling in his violet eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

"I have to get home," Kiku said. "It's almost eight."

"Right. Do you know how to get home from here?" Alfred asked. Kiku smiled and nodded.

"Mhmm! I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course." Alfred said and gently kissed Kiku. The latter smiled and kissed back, but soon pulled away.

"I love you," He chirped, and turned to the others. "I-It was nice meeting you. I hope your father will be okay. Good night!"

Alfred watched as Kiku walked down the street, and with a sigh, he closed the front door.

"Let us all calm down and eat dinner." Ivan's mother said. She flashed a smile and walked to the kitchen.

"By the way, Ivan, what's your mom's name?" Alfred asked.

"Natasha." Ivan quickly replied. Alfred slowly nodded.

* * *

It was half past midnight when the house phone rang. Natasha groaned and pulled off her sleeping mask. She slipped out of the bed and trudged to the phone, where she answered it in Russian.

"Is this the Braginsky household?" A male voice asked.

"_Da." _Natasha replied. She rubbed her tired eyes and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"We've come to tell you about Mr. Bonnefoy's condition..."

Natasha perked up and cleared her throat. "Yes, yes! Um, tell me please. I'll be sure to tell his children."

"Well, it's not looking too good. He's unconscious, but alive. We had to pump his stomach," The doctor stopped for a moment. "We're trying our best not to let him slip into a coma. There's some brain damage from the pill toxins that may affect his personality and thinking. We're trying to see if he has acute liver failure or kidney failure."

Natasha nodded, blinking her eyes quickly. "I-I understand. I'll tell his children, then. I suppose they'll be glad to know he's alive."

"Right. We'll keep you updated on his condition."

"Thank you." Natasha said before hanging up. She took a deep breath and walked to the guest room, where Alfred and Matthew were asleep. She walked up to the bed and gently shook the brothers.

"Wake up." She said. They both groaned and shifted around, opening their eyes.

"Yeah...?" Alfred asked, stretching and yawning.

"The hospital called."

Matthew almost instantly sat up and furrowed his brows. "What did they say?"

"He's unconscious, but he's alive. They're afraid he might develop acute liver failure or kidney failure. They're trying to prevent him from slipping into a coma. He had mild brain damage as well..."

Alfred's lip quivered and he struggled to hold back his tears. "Why would he do this to himself?"

Natasha sighed and gently stroked his hair. "It could be depression. It could be bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder. It can be anything. He must have his reasons."

"But he said he couldn't do that to us! He said it! He told us!"

"I know. I know, I know it hurts. It's painful. But what can you do? It's difficult to watch but you have to stay strong. For him."

Alfred wiped his eyes. "I-I don't want him to die. I want him to live! If he dies... I don't want to go back to Arthur!"

Natasha slowly nodded. "You must have strength, Alfred. Everything will be fine. I promise."

Matthew took Alfred's hand and gently squeezed it. "Papa will be okay."

"Alright... I... okay..."

* * *

Alfred's body trembled as he stood in front of the door. He gulped and slowly opened the doorknob.

"Papa..." He asked quietly. Francis, laying on the bed, threw his arm over his eyes and sighed.

"Is that you, Alfred?"

"Yes, it's me..."

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah. They're only letting in one person at a time. Thirty minutes."

Francis moved his arm to his side and chuckled. "I'm a disgusting human being. Look at this, I'm in the hospital. A pitiful sac of depression and pills."

"Don't say that..." Alfred said. Francis deeply sighed and shook his head.

"You know it's true. I'm truly pathetic. I know I said I wouldn't kill myself but... you know, I couldn't help. As much as I try to smile and continue on, there's always this little voice that says 'kill yourself'. And you know what, Alfred?" Francis turned on his side to face his son. "That voice got bigger. And bigger, and bigger, and bigger. And it was like that until it become a loud, screaming voice that sounded just like your mother. I swear I was going crazy, Alfred. And I was scared. I was petrified."

Tears ran down Alfred's face like waterfalls. He hiccuped and shook his head.

"I thought you were going to die!"

Francis smiled. "I thought so too."

"Papa, I was so scared... _we_ were scared! And everyone's telling me to be strong but how am I supposed to do that knowing you're suicidal like this? How do I stay strong knowing that you're in the hospital w-with the chance of falling into a coma or suffering organ failure?" Alfred chocked out between sobs. "Who can stay calm when their only parents is fucked up like this?! Why are you so selfish?! Why do you want to leave us, throw us away like we don't matter! Aren't Matthew and I your sons? Aren't we your world? Why, just _why _would you hurt us like this?! Matt spent the whole damn night crying because he wasn't sure if you were gonna survive or not! Now what's gonna happen?! If you die, our asses are gonna go right back to Arthur. Isn't that the last thing you want? So why?! Why are you putting us through this mental and emotional turmoil?!"

Francis blinked a few times before opening his mouth to say something.

"Because something happened to me that reminded me of why my life is a whole mess. I'm not worth living. I'm just a fill-in. Maybe you two are better off without me. Nothing I've done for you has come with good results. Everything I do affects you two just as worse. I've made your lives a living hell. It's all my fault, Alfred, and I'm ashamed to face you because I'm truly horrible. You must be embarrassed to call me your father."

Alfred slowly shook his head. "That's not it," He said. "There's something more. What happened?"

Francis sat up and deeply sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. "Being sexually harassed is traumatizing enough," He began. "But having it happen to you twice? That's more than enough to make anyone go crazy. _Mon dieu, _Alfred, I feel so filthy."

"What happened?" Alfred asked as he put his hand on Francis' shoulder.

"W-We were working late..." Francis said, his voice cracking slightly. "A-And I was in my office, sorting out papers... and my co-worker came in..." He shook his head. "I-I can't. I'm sorry, it... it reminded me too much of Arthur's abuse and Amelia's death and seeing you two suffer like this..."

"Papa, we're not suffering..." Alfred said, forcing a smile. "My boyfriend and I, we're really happy together. And Matthew has been making more friends, even hanging out with them more often. We're fine, papa. But we wouldn't be fine without you. Without you, we'd never forgive ourselves. We wouldn't be able to live with ourselves. We wouldn't be able to go to sleep happy because we'd keep thinking about you. _Nothing _is your fault. You've tried so hard for us and everything just backfired so unfairly. You've poured your blood, sweat, and tears into raising us. So please, papa..." Alfred took his head. "Please don't ever think of ending your own life, and please don't be sad anymore. Everything will be fine in the end. I promise. And if not, I'm sorry for lying to you. I just... want you to live..." Alfred sniffed and gently kissed Francis' forehead. "I love you."

Francis stroked Alfred's cheek with the back of his hand. "I love you too." He whispered. "I'm tired of crying, Alfred."

"I know, papa. But you don't have to cry anymore. Life's been rough, but just think about all the wonderfuls things that happened. You had the opportunity to meet mom, love her, marry her, and then bring us into the world. You had the chance to be a father. You went to college, worked your ass off. You've laughed and loved and wondered and traveled and done things not many people have done or are able to do. You've _lived, _papa. So please, keep on living. Because the world needs more people like you. And none of us are complete without you. Please..."

Francis' eyes watered and widened, and he looked down. "I'm sorry, Alfred. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm hurting too, but... I know I need help, so I'll get it. For the both of you."

Alfred smiled and tightly hugged Francis. "Thank you, papa." He said. Francis shook his head.

"No, thank _you _Alfred. Thank you for not giving up on me. I don't know what I'd do with you or Matthew. You truly are wonderful."

Alfred smiled. "I think I just took the time to appreciate the beauty of living."

* * *

**translations-**

**Se calmer- calm down (French)**

* * *

**ahhh pretty sure i got you all there uwu you guys thought it was kiku who was gonna be hit by the tragedy train! nope nope nope i'm not that cruel! maybe the tragedy train will hit again! maybe not haha. **

**thanks for reading, and please drop a review, fave, or follow. thank you!**


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